Bespoke - A White Box Blog

Where I've been, and why I'm going...

2009-08-19T15:21:00.004-05:00

My long absence from Bespoke has been the product of an overfilled mind and an unsettled spirit, and it has led to something I never expected.

Some of you may know that CFO (my husband) and I work as a team. At this point, I believe we have, perhaps prematurely, come to a place where we need to choose between him supporting me and me supporting him. This, to me, is a simple choice, though the execution and ramifications of that choice are not easy.

The decision I have made has been borne of much self-examination over the last several months. This examination intensified as I prepared to attend the industry’s finest business summit in June. I spent four days with the greatest minds of the wedding world. I was praised for my business model, my blog, and my achievements, and I walked away with one thing: a realization that I do not belong here.

I have learned that many people in this industry absolutely love what they do. They can’t help it. It’s like the air they breathe. For me, this is all far from what makes me come alive. I opened The White Box because I saw needs and devised a way to meet them; not because it was what I had always wanted, but because it was what I believed was needed.

A wedding planner has a very demanding job, and due to my family situation and my desire to assist my husband in his pursuits, I no longer feel I can give my best to the industry. Therefore, I shall be letting go of The White Box and wedding planning. I can’t say this was an easy decision, and yet, once I realized that I am not being who I want to be, it was actually quite simple and came rather quickly. I've spent so much of my life asking myself what the world needs, rather than asking what makes me come alive, and I am finding much joy in releasing myself from the shackles of what the world has been telling me to pursue, including what I felt burdened to do because of my talents and abilities.

I realize that most of you reading this will not understand my decision. Some of you will be upset, offended, or even hurt. For this I am deeply sorry, for this was most certainly not my intention. I simply must do what I believe is right for me. I hate that this had to happen, because I do believe that The White Box is a great idea and a much-needed service. I truly regret that I have not yet been able to take it to a point where it would be established enough to sell as-is, but I cannot hang on simply to grow it to that level.

The serious businesswoman in me is driven to keep going out of fear that this will appear as though I’ve failed, or worse, that I’ve given up. But, my decision is not a matter of income, initiative, or endurance. It’s simply a matter of being the woman I need to be. I do want to be clear, however, that we have already contacted our brides and we are committed to fulfilling all standing contracts with them.

Our studio closing will be effective immediately. I will continue to be available via email and by appointment through the end of the year. From this point on, email will be the best way to contact me as I will be in and out of the studio by appointment only. My co-consultant, Meghan, will no longer be with me on a full-time basis. All emails delivered to her will be forwarded to me for response.

The decision to close The White Box is highly personal, so be not discouraged. It is not a function of the economy or not getting enough business or not making enough money. In fact, I couldn’t have conceived of the successes I’ve had on many levels over the last 18 months. I know it seems crazy to let this all go, but I know I'm making the right decision because it's for ME and not for anyone else.

I thank you for your support, your encouragement, your kindness, and your faithful readership, and for allowing me to share my perspective with you. I will no longer be blogging for Bespoke; however, it shall remain available for your reference.

With much joy and excitement for the days ahead,

Monica

The Recessionista attends a wedding

2009-06-02T15:31:00.003-05:00

Meghan learns from her recent experience as a wedding guest.

I recently was a guest at a wedding where I felt like the guest’s perspective wasn't given much consideration. Planning a wedding is not only about the couple, it's also about making your guests feel comfortable so they can enjoy themselves. As you are planning your wedding, try to think about how a guest will feel at your event.

Here are a few tips to get you thinking of your guests:

Instruct your ushers to actually seat people, especially if you are seating specifically bride and groom sides. If the ushers aren’t seating guests, you may end up with a pool of guests in the front of the church or ceremony space and guests will feel awkward and unsure of where to seat themselves.

Do create table assignments and provide at the very least an escort card. When there are no escort cards, guests feel lost, and when they figure out it’s free-for-all seating they have to scramble to find enough seats to sit with their families. Who wants that stress?

If you choose have a receiving line at some point during your event, be ambitious about it. A receiving line can be uncomfortable for guests who only know either the bride or groom and are not sure how to congratulate the other. I have personally felt anxious before going through a receiving line because I wasn’t sure whether to hug the bride or shake her hand or what. So, if you know that a guest doesn’t know you very well make the first move, either stick out your hand for a congratulatory shake or hold out your arms for a hug.

Ensure that you have a strict (but not ridiculous and crazy) schedule in place, and be sure to communicate it to your vendors, especially your catering or venue manager and the DJ. When there are gaps in an event where nothing is happening, this can makes guests feel like they should be doing something. One way to avoid this is to create a program for your reception. This is especially helpful if you are doing things a bit out of the ordinary. I am creating a program for my wedding reception because we are doing a cocktail hour after dinner and I don’t want guests to immediately run to the dance floor after cake is served.

Feel free to comment with your own suggestions or situations in which you’ve felt uncomfortable as a wedding guest. What would you do differently? Are you taking any extra measures to ensure your guests enjoy themselves?

Soooo...

2009-05-27T21:40:00.003-05:00

Don't be mad.

I know I was supposed to do my big "What not to wear to a wedding" post on Saturday. And I even started writing it two days in advance. I left the studio on Friday planning to schedule it for Saturday, but I came home to no internet.

No problem, I can post at the airport while I'm waiting for my flight in the morning (I was in Florida as a temporary staff member of Masterpiece Weddings over the weekend). But, then I decided that I was going to try going Mac-less for the weekend. It's a pain to take to the airport anyway.

No problem, I can post from my iPhone. Well, not only did I forget all about this idea until Saturday night, but I realized that posting from my iPhone is not as much fun as it sounds.

No problem, Melissa has a computer I can use. Oh but wait, I never actually finished the intro and ending of my post. And it's 10:00 at night. Ummm..

I called CFO before bed. He said not to worry because no one would notice. :-( "...because of the holiday weekend!" he quickly added. Sure...

Anyway. I miss you all. And I miss just chatting. I often feel like I need to have some big amazing idea every time I post (especially when Amanda posts such wonderful words about how much she loves Bespoke). But sometimes I just want to talk to you.

Clearly I am in a chatty mood right now. I may regret this later. But, anyway, all this to say that I'll take another stab at Style Saturday this weekend okay? Meghan has a post for y'all as well, which we need to squeeze in somewhere.

Now, just as a special reward for reading this random post, I shall leave you with this little treat. Trust me, you will LOVE it!

Enjoy!

Getting [wedding] Things Done

2009-05-20T16:06:00.003-05:00

I met with a bride today who is having a tough time getting things done. She feels unfocused and “all over the place.” She was pretty much like most of the brides I meet. We traced one of her obstacles back to a much smaller task that needed to be accomplished, and walked through the tasks that followed in order to get her back on track.

When talking with her, I was reminded of David Allen’s Getting Things Done. Allen’s theory is that the key to getting things done is to break down all tasks into small, simple ones. The point is to identify which task is holding up the show. And then take care of it.

Perhaps your to-do list looks like this:

- Figure out ceremony time
- Order bridesmaid dresses
- Schedule tasting

Short as that list may be, somehow it seems completely daunting because each item is what Allen refers to as an “amorphous blob.” But, if you turn these “blobs” into specific actions, they will seem much more approachable. For example...

Figure out ceremony time
1. Call venue contact to ask when the space must be cleared of guests after the ceremony.
2. Call officiant to confirm length of sermon.
3. Email venue manager to ask how early guests may arrive for cocktails.
4. Type a list of family portraits.
5. Email list to photographer and ask for estimation on length of portrait time.

Order bridesmaid dresses
1. Google phone number for bridesmaid dress shop.
2. Call dress shop and request a deadline for dress orders.
3. Facebook maid-of-honor and ask for her new email address.
4. Email all bridesmaids the phone number for the dress shop and the deadline.

Schedule tasting
1. Go to a gas station and fill up the car.
2. Stop by mom and dad’s house to pick up the caterer’s packet you left there.
3. Read caterer’s tasting policy in your information packet
4. Look at the menu options and choose which items you want to try.
5. Email catering manager to ask when a tasting may be scheduled.
6. Make a list of dates and times that work for you and the caterer.
7. Call the groom to ask which of those dates are available for him.
8. Call mom to ask which of the remaining dates are available for her and dad.
9. Email catering manager with the final date and meal selections.

Your list may look longer, but it is suddenly easier to accomplish. This may seem super-Type-A-tedious, but I encourage you to take ONE item on your wedding to-do list this week and break it down like the samples above. You’ll find yourself focused, accomplished, and ready to break down the next “blob.”

Be sure to leave a comment and let us know how it goes!

A fabulous mother-of-the-bride

2009-05-19T16:16:00.003-05:00

Meghan shares four qualities that make a great mother-of-the-bride.

Last week I gave my two cents about what I thought made a great mother-in-law, and, as promised, this week I will share what I feel makes a great mother-of-the-bride. For me, I am once again lucky. My mother is wonderful and it sounds cliché but we have always acted more as friends then mother and daughter.

I feel that a mother of the bride has as much responsibly and rite of passage as a bride does, so she should exemplify the qualities of a great mother in law in addition to the ones below.

1. She spends the day proud yet humble. Nobody appreciates a mother of the bride stealing attention or obnoxiously boasting about her lovely daughter.

2. She is a gracious hostess and spends time socializing with guests, but still enjoys herself.

3. She realizes that the wedding day (and all time spent planning prior) is not a time to make up for elements that weren’t included in her own wedding.

4. She views that day like she is gaining a son, not losing a daughter.

Tell us about what makes your MOB fabulous!

Style Saturday: Makeup in a hurry

2009-05-16T21:01:00.004-05:00

Today's Style Saturday post, as promised last week, is a short lesson on how to pull your makeup together in a hurry, or, as I say in the video 5,000 times, "in, like, two minutes."

That's right. I have a video to share. It was over 17 minutes long. I have chopped it down to nine minutes and 38 seconds. What can I say? I never got A's on my speeches in school because I ALWAYS went over the allotted time. And anyway, I think that those of you who are curious enough to read this post will be curious enough to play the video. :-)

I do apologize that it has taken until 9:00 to get this up. iMovie and YouTube and I are not friends yet.

So, enjoy! And let me know if you want to see more video blogs or if you'd rather just read.

Coming soon: What not to wear to a wedding

2009-05-13T15:14:00.003-05:00

I have been frustrated with wedding guests lately. I guess this means I’m frustrated with people in general, because everyone is a wedding guest at some point or another. Outraged, I have shared [on Twitter] some of the attire I have seen from my office window of actual wedding guests who park in the lot outside. Though not all of my “tweets” were snarky, some were indeed intended to clearly point out what is not appropriate to wear to a wedding. I find it curious that Stacy & Clinton make a living criticizing the attire of everyday people, and yet, some have found it unacceptable for me to critique wedding guest attire.

I did not (and would not) share the identity of the guests, take their photos, or try to embarrass them in any way. However, someone was not happy about my comments and attempted to anonymously post his/her opinion here on Bespoke. Because the comment was anonymous, it has not been posted. This person was not disrespectful or rude; however, I have seen the catty, unnecessary drama that can (though not always does) unfold from the anonymous comments of those who disagree with a blogger.

What I do regret is that I have shared my opinion in a manner that has offended some (as I’m sure that Anonymous represents more than just him/herself), because I did not intend to be malicious in any way. Clearly, my opinions were poorly presented. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to present my thoughts more completely; that is, in more than 140 characters.

I think it is rude to publicly criticize things about others that they cannot help (weight, height, age, race, the size of their ears…whatever). However, whether or not we like it, clothing is a statement we make to the world. It is the only thing people see that we actually get to choose – something we make decisions about on a daily basis. Clothing can also be a statement of respect (or lack thereof), which is why only certain attire is appropriate for court, church, and, yes, weddings.

In an effort to be less snarky and more helpful, I will be sharing a series of “Style Saturday” posts entitled “What Not To Wear to a Wedding.” These will be serious posts on how to be respectfully and appropriately dressed as a wedding guest. I certainly know that respect and propriety go far beyond attire, but at this time, the subject shall be limited to dress. One step at a time. :-)

I do hope you’ll tune in, but I cannot promise that you will not be offended. It is quite possible (dare I say, likely?) that you have worn one of the things I say are not appropriate wedding-wear (I know I have!). As a wedding stylist, designer, and blogger, I make a living by being an opinionated critic. If I am upsetting or offending you, please do not feel the need to continue to read my posts or follow me on Twitter. Life is too short to allow yourself to be upset by the opinions of others about such trivial things. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me or the way I do things. Feedback from my readers is always appreciated, but I will not post dissenting comments by those who will not stand behind them.

As always, I desire to help (I wouldn’t share a photo of myself the moment I wake up in the morning if I didn’t!). I am happy to serve my readers by sharing advice, answering questions, and providing much-needed critique.

A Recessionista's modern mother-in-law

2009-05-12T15:26:00.007-05:00

Meghan shares her additions to Modern Bride's ideal MIL.

I have seen many brides cringe as the term “mother-in-law” comes out of my mouth as if I just cursed. I don’t understand that reaction whatsoever because, well to be frank, my mother-in-law rocks!

I began thinking about how great my mother-in-law is after I read the “Recognize a Great Mother-in-Law” article in the June/July issue of Modern Bride magazine. The article is great and very cute. The following tips are what they suggest fulfills the characteristics of a great MIL; I added a few of my own additions at the bottom.

According to Modern Bride:

1. Her hair is simply styled to ensure the salon has enough time for the bride and her maids.
2. She is smiling even though she paid for things she didn’t necessarily like.
3. She is alternating between champagne and soda water so she can stay lovely and last all night long.
4. Her accessories are simple yet elegant, an heirloom piece she plans to pass on to your first born daughter.
5. Her dress is not white, low cut, or skin tight, yet still completely chic.
6. In her hand is an evening bag that you gifted her.
7. She is wearing killer heals even though she’s been running around arranging last-minute details.

According to the Recessionista:

1. She spends time enjoying the day without worrying if things are on time, in the right place or how something will be executed. Easier to avoid if you have planner involved!

2. Her toast (if she gives one) is short, sweet and to the point, omitting any embarrassing stories of the groom. May be difficult for my MIL because I am sure Stylist did his fair share of funny things growing up (he is the baby in the family, after all).

3. She is calm and well put-together, even though it’s an emotional day. Don’t get me wrong, emotion on a wedding day is a beautiful thing but in excess it can be obnoxious.

4. She is supportive of your decisions, understanding that it is impossible to please everyone and that being a bride is not easy! *Editor’s note: Meghan is always saying how true this is of her mother-in-law.

Feel free to leave a comment with any additional great mother-in-law characteristics, and check back next week for ways to recognize a great mother of the bride!

7 accessories you need to fake fabulousness

2009-05-09T12:15:00.014-05:00

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of looking presentable in public; something that is particularly important for entrepreneurs who are the face of their company (as many wedding planners are). While most readers were in agreement, check out the comments section of that post for some interesting discussion.

Today, I have a few ideas for those of you who find yourself panicked when you sleep through the alarm, or for those who just need to run to the store in the middle of a not-so-glamorous house project.

Seven Accessories You Need to Fake Fabulousness:

1. A shawl in a beautiful color that looks gorgeous on you.

Get comfortable with a shawl. Spend some time wrapping it around you in different ways. Wear it around the house if you have to, but learn to love it. Once you do, you'll wonder how you ever went without one. (If you're really daring, you'll even wear it over your head once in a while.)

2. A fitted trench in a shade that compliments your skin.

Every woman should invest in a trench coat that looks amazing on her. I suggest a fitted one with a cinched waist for 90% of women. Just around the knee is a good length (it should be shorter or longer depending on your legs). I finally bought a for-real trench in creamy-white a few years ago, and I haven't yet seen a day when I don't get at least one compliment on my coat.

The best part? You can get away with wearing bike shorts and a tank top under your trench coat and no one would know.

3. Big sunglasses.

Red eyes? Dark circles? No time for makeup? A big pair of sunglasses will be your new best friend.

4. A chunky necklace.

The thing about accessories is they help make it look like you tried. Throw a chunky necklace and a pair of heels on with your t-shirt and jeans, and you've suddenly gone from looking like a scrub to looking fun and cute.

5. An oversized sweater in a neutral color.

Great to put over the not-so modest camisole you wear around the house before heading out to the store. I suggest something long enough to cover your backside, lest you run into a client who sees "PINK" written on it. Overall, it's a much better "comfy" look than a sweatshirt jacket.

6. A no-brainer hair clip.

I have yet to master the art of "throwing" my hair up in two seconds with a clip, but I'm getting there. If you haven't figured this out, it's time to go to Wal-Mart, buy a variety pack of clips, and figure out what works for your hair. I'd suggest stocking up on several of these "no-brainer" clips and keep one in your car, one in your purse, and several at home.

7. A cute hat with texture or pattern.

I don't care if you're not a "hat person." There is a hat for you out there somewhere. Don't worry about what kind of hats are trendy, just go out and find one that looks good on you. Trust me, there will come a day (probably several) when you will be so glad you have it.

DISCLAIMER: None of this will work for you if the only time you wear it is when you're trying to hide something. You can't just wear your one hat whenever didn't have time to shower or it will quickly turn into your frumpy I-didn't-have-time-to-shower hat; you have to wear it on purpose when you're all done up, too.

I also wouldn't suggest wearing all of the above at once, for obvious reasons.

For our next Style Saturday, I'll share some tips for makeup application in a hurry.

The White Box turns ONE

2009-05-07T17:47:00.012-05:00

Today, The White Box has officially been open for one year. In honor of today, I decided to wear "The White Box dress" which I actually haven't worn since our opening. It feels sort of strange. Like I'm re-wearing my prom dress or something. Anyway...

Everyone has been so sweet with cute tweets and "happy birthday" greetings. People keep saying they can't believe it's been a year already. I sort of feel that way, because time does pass so quickly, but at the same time, it's hard to imagine a time before The White Box.

{Our little grand opening display, lit up by Acme of course!}

A year ago today was our superfun and fabulous grand opening party. Somehow, with more than a dozen photographers in the house, we have no fabulous photos from that day, but here are a few snapshots from friends...

{People beginning to arrive. As the night went on, the studio became so full you could hardly walk through it. You can see treats on the tables from Gracious Events and Lee John's Catering (all in white) along with a basket full of gift certificates from Fred Boutique for every female guest. Beautiful white floral arrangements were scattered throughout the studio by Petals Floral Design.}

{Indulgence Chocolatiers provided a fabulous display of white chocolate truffles and other confections.}

{Thankfully, CFO, Victoria, and I had enough sense to stop for a photo before the party got going. You can see our retail counter that became a bar that night in the background.}

As I was digging out these photos, I found a few other images of last-minute prep before the party...

Like finding a place to stash the giant ladder (oh, I know... how about we just shove it out the window?).

And finishing "the wall" of photos.

And hanging our sign!

And stopping to take a "we should probably take a photo of ourselves during this time in our lives" photo.

I can't even begin to thank everyone for their support over the last year, so I shall leave you with the words from my Grand Opening "Thank You"...

It would be unthinkable to pretend I'm fabulous enough to have come this far alone. Thank you....

To my “CFO” – my wonderful protector and provider – my husband, Timothy. I am able to be so much more because of you. Here’s to the first of many grand openings, my love.

To my parents, Benno and Suzanne, for your continued unconditional love and encouragement, and to my sister, Resl, for the support that only a sister can provide.

To my Heavenly Father for truth and beauty and for gifting me with all I have.

To my church family for your prayerful support through the process of launching The White Box.

To my mother- and father-in-law for your willingness to help with anything, anytime.

To my Right-Hand Girl, Victoria for diving head first into this new venture with me.

To our “neighbors,” Miss Ruby, The Milwaukee Boat Line, Fred, and The Red Heel, and our landlords, George and Karen Alex, for welcoming us so warmly to The Paradigm community.

To those vendors and friends who encouraged me early on to pursue this “White Box” idea. You know who you are, and I am grateful to have had your wisdom and support.

To Mthree Studio for your beautiful design work, your inspiration, and encouragement through the design process.

To all White Box Vendor Members willing to take a chance on a new generation of wedding consulting. Your commitment to quality, service, and aesthetic motivates me to provide the same.

To the Milwaukee Bride for challenging me to find new ways to serve you.

To Acme Production Resources, Lee John’s Catering, Gracious events, Indulgence Chocolatiers, Petals Floral Design, La Tulipe, and BBJ Linen for contributing your time, talent, and resources to arrange a beautiful grand opening celebration.

Looking forward to a fabulous 2008 season and many more to come.

The Recessionista attends a wedding

2009-05-06T15:57:00.006-05:00

Meghan tries to decide what would be appropriate to wear to an upcoming wedding.

So, I know I said that I would be back to business this week but well, you know how it goes, brides get side tracked easily. So, please forgive me.

Remember this post when I mentioned a wedding invitation that Stylist and I received that was addressed entirely wrong? Well, that wedding is approaching quickly and I realized that I have nothing to wear. Okay, I know lots of women say that, but really, I have nothing, and I will explain why.

Part of the problem is that the invitation does not convey the style of the wedding whatsoever. The wedding ceremony is at a church, the reception is at a banquet facility, and the men are wearing tuxedos, but the invitation is incredibly casual. Not casual like a fun J.Crew picnic wedding, but so casual that I am confused.

My other wardrobe issue is that I feel like I am in that transitional period where it’s no longer okay for me to wear that shiny satin number to a wedding as if I were going to homecoming all over again. I mean really, I'm not 17, and I'm not a bachelorette; I am going to be a married woman in 157 days!

So, dear brides, would you rather have your guests wearing a shiny satin dress like this (only not so short--yikes!):

{Credit}

Or a more casual, yet sophisticated dress like this:

{Credit}

Your opinion and advice is much appreciated in the middle of this!

The Recessionista gets personal

2009-04-28T14:05:00.002-05:00

Meghan shares a few fun things about her planning process.

Recently, I’ve been feeling like my posts have been filled with way to much information and not enough fun. So I wanted to let you in on a few random facts about Stylist’s proposal and our wedding planning thus far. Enjoy!

1. Stylist has picked out the wedding cake, and only the wedding cake. He has given me complete reign over every other aspect of our wedding plans. I initially appreciated this control, but I’m finding that I really miss his input.

2. Stylist had my engagement ring for 6 months before he proposed. The interesting thing is that I knew the entire time. He showed me two weeks after he bought it but we continued to let our families believe that I had no idea. It was a great secret!

3. My biggest wedding-day fear is that I’m going to have an ugly bouquet. This is why I’m using one of the best florists I know. Coincidentally, Victoria had the same fear about her wedding, and therefore used the same florist I’m using!

4. We ultimately picked our wedding date around our photographer. We knew we wanted a fall wedding, October specifically, but it all came down to when she was available. (More on our photographer when I post about our engagement session this June.)

5. Our rehearsal dinner is being held on Stylist’s family farm, before the ceremony rehearsal. We are picnicking and playing lawn games.

6. My wedding dress is exactly opposite of what I first thought I wanted. I wanted a simple a-line and I ended up with something entirely different (you will have to wait until after our wedding day for a more thorough description).

7. The hardest element for me to decide on was my bridesmaid dresses. I stuck with my first instinct and am very pleased.

8. I surprised my mom and Stylist’s mom with a trip to New York City to buy their dresses. We’re going in June, and I will be sure to report about our findings.

9. All of my bridesmaids are family. They are the best group of women a bride could ask for!

Next week, I’ll be back to business. Care to share some little-known facts about your wedding plans?

Happy birthday, CFO!

2009-04-20T13:52:00.008-05:00

Today is CFO's birthday. I can't even begin to tell you what he means to me.

I've shared a bit about CFO before, and you hear about him every now and then. This man is wonderful, and I'm not the only one who thinks so. In fact, I regularly receive praise from others about what a kind, engaging gentleman he is, as if I have something to do with it. The truth is, he is SO much more than that, and I am incredibly blessed, honored, and proud....yet, humbled....to be his wife and best friend.

I can think of no greater blessing for a married woman than that her husband be as incredible as mine.

Happy birthday, love! Thank you for being YOU!

{Images taken on our latest trip to our favorite place}

Trust yourself

2009-04-15T11:00:00.004-05:00

A recent visitor to The White Box Studio inspired me to share this post with you. It is certainly not for everyone, but some of you really need to hear it.

I've met all kinds of brides. Some have trouble with style and some are naturally design-minded. The beauty of weddings today is they really allow you to express your style as a couple. Rules exist only as they relate to properly hosting an event, and style "rules," have never been more lenient.

I'm continually amazed at how many of the latter (the design-minded brides) get all worked up and freaked out over their wedding design when it's absolutely fantastic. They feel pulled in a million directions and start to panic. I see it all the time.

Often, all these fabulous brides really need is to hear someone tell them that their design really IS fabulous, it really WILL work, and WHY. Your best friend can tell you your design is gorgeous, but sometimes it helps to have someone who designs weddings for a living also tell you that your design is gorgeous. Being a wedding designer, I can tell you if it works and why, and if it doesn't, how we can make it work. Oh yes. I believe I have become an expert in "making it work."

Brides, if you're stuck at a crossroads and can no longer see clearly enough to determine whether your design is hideous or fabulous, contact a local wedding designer and see if they offer hourly consultations. Think of it as an investment in your mental health at this point. You'll feel SO much better.

For another perspective on designing your own wedding, check out Molly's recent post on The Milwaukee Wedding Blog.

Recessionista loves wedding websites

2009-04-14T10:00:00.003-05:00

Meghan explores the world of wedding websites.

A wedding website is a great place to give your guests additional information that you can’t necessarily put on your invitation. This could include information regarding accommodations, more details about your venue, or additional activities do to. It is also a place to put contact information, like an email address, that your guests might not be familiar with. I think it’s really fun that this opens up communication with your guests and allows them to easily get in touch with you without feeling like a nuisance as you work through your wedding plans.

Creating a website may seem overwhelming but there are many sites that can walk you through the process. I am using eWedding for my and Stylist’s website, and so far it has been a pleasant process. The best part about eWedding is that it allows you to create a flash intro on the homepage which is way more exciting than anything else I’ve seen. If you’re looking for another site other than eWedding check out Wedding Window or MyWedding.com.

I would also suggest that if you put the time and effort into a nice website, you should also buy a personal web address. It can look rather tacky to put a really long web address that takes 5 minutes to type out on your save the date or invitation. Buying a domain is quite cheap (around $10 for a year) and easy to do. Check out GoDaddy to search for and purchase available domains.

How have you used your wedding website? Please share your ideas and tips in the comments section.

Looking presentable ALWAYS

2009-04-11T10:38:00.005-05:00

Mom, meet my wedding planner...

{This post was inspired by Liene Stevens of The Smart Planner. She touched on this topic when she spoke at Eventology this week, and I feel it necessary to expand on it for you, dear readers.}

I woke up this morning, sat up in bed, and took this photo of myself. I had not done a thing yet. I hadn't touched my hair or even looked in the mirror. And it looks like it.

Normally, this isn't an image I would share with the world, but I feel it necessary to provide a reality check for wedding planners and other wedding vendors and entrepreneurs everywhere.

Why?

Because I see too many women at the grocery store looking like this. No makeup. Hair is a mess. Clothes are frumpy. Clearly they haven't even showered. In fact, they look like they just rolled out of bed. (I've even seen vendors at networking events looking like this, but that's another story.)

Can you imagine dashing out the door looking like the photo above to make a "quick" run to Chipotle only to run into one of your brides in line? Even worse, what if she was with her mom? And what if you hadn't ever met her mom before? And her mom completely disapproves of her hiring a wedding planner? And you look like you just rolled out of bed. Good one.

Not only do you want to avoid a situation like that, but I'm sure you don't want to put one of your clients in that position either.

If you own your own business, as many wedding vendors do, then it's likely that your name and face are part of your brand. Your company goes wherever you go, and it looks like whatever you look like. If I happen to meet a potential client or colleague looking like I did this morning, her impression of my company would be a frumpy one. If this person was already familiar with The White Box, she would see my image as inconsistent with my brand and wonder what else I'm hiding behind my pretty website and headshots.

Next week, I'll share a few ideas about how to quickly take your look from frumpy to fab in a pinch.

15 things I learned at Eventology

2009-04-10T12:56:00.002-05:00

Yesterday, CFO and I returned from Eventology, a wedding business conference in Indianapolis. I can honestly say that the last few days were unlike any I have ever experienced. Allow me to explain…

As an active wedding blogger and member of iWed (an online network of [mostly] wedding planners), I have been communicating with wedding industry members across the country for well over a year. I’ve developed relationships with a number of women, despite the fact that we had never actually met. In fact, most of the women at this conference shared my story – we knew each other by our Twitter names, but we’d never met.

Eventology was to be particularly exciting for all of us because we would finally be able to put a voice and a personality with the little avatars we see everyday. Oddly, there were few surprises, the majority of which made me very happy.

Below, I have recorded some things I learned from my personal experiences this week – things outside of the wisdom shared by our three fabulous speakers. Enjoy!

15 Things I Learned at Eventology

1. Most wedding planners are more beautiful in person. And shorter.

2. If I was getting married, I would hire Saundra Hadley. Although, I would probably request that she wear her fab red heels to my wedding instead of chucks. ;-)

3. If you think you may not get along with someone, it could be because you see yourself in her.

4. Nothing can shake Kelly McWilliams. Not even a hurricane.

5. I need to do more video blogging.

6. You may not be as alone as you feel. SOMEWHERE, SOMEONE thinks like you. Find her.

7. I’ve always known I’m not a roommate kind of person. Making an exception for Terrica Skaggs this June was the best idea ever.

8. My hair color defines me, and people don’t recognize me when I change it. Now I’m probably just defined as “that woman” who changes her hair all the time.

9. Anyone who doesn’t love Lara Casey is jealous.

10. If I use more than 400 words in a post, you’ll stop reading.

11. I can’t remember what it was like before I met some of these women.

12. Online dating can really work. After friend-dating Melissa DiStefano for nearly a year, I now know that she really is who I thought she was, and we really are friends.

13. Engage!09 is exactly what I need.

14. Some people don’t get it. Liene Stevens is not one of them, and I could talk to her for days.

15. Sometimes, there is no possible atheistic explanation for how you got to where you are, and even if you know people won’t understand, you have to tell them it’s God who opened those doors.

If you attended Eventology, share a comment with what YOU learned.

The Recessionista loves Etsy

2009-03-31T18:58:00.003-05:00

Lately, many brides visiting The White Box are looking for a place to buy veils, hair accessories and jewelry. It can be hard to refer a bride to a place for all of these items because style is such an important factor … unless you know about Etsy.

If you are unfamiliar with Etsy, it is like eBay for items that are handmade. Etsy is great for brides because it allows for a true one stop shopping place. No matter what your style (and budget) there is something on Etsy for you. If you don’t find exactly what are you looking for, you also have the option to contact a seller directly and possibly get something custom-made. People on Etsy not only sell items such as accessories but also art, clothing, toys, and housewares, which may come in handy if you’re looking for unique wedding and shower gifts.

I personally love Etsy for all of the great hair accessories. I plan on purchasing a hair pin for my wedding from Etsy, and if I could make myself believe I could pull off a birdcage veil, I would buy the one below.

{source}

If you've found some great wedding accessories on Etsy, leave a comment and share it with us.

The "plescort card" :: Knowing the difference between place cards and escort cards

2009-03-25T17:45:00.004-05:00

After discovering a "place card table" on yet another banquet event order, I have decided it's time to set this straight. It seems brides, vendors, and venues don't know the difference between place cards and escort cards.* In fact, they seem to think they are the same thing. Some aren't even aware of the term "escort card." No problem. That's why The White Box is here.

First, let's review the three basic ways to seat your guests:

Option 1. Free for all. Guests sit wherever they want.
Option 2. Limited choice. Each guest is assigned to a specific table, but may sit next to whomever they wish.
Option 3. No choice. Each guest is assigned to a specific seat.

Option 1 is usually not the best idea (I'll save the "why" for another post). In fact, it is entirely appropriate and expected (not to mention practical!) to have some level of assigned seating at a wedding reception.

If you choose Option 2, you will need to somehow inform each guest of his or her table assignment. Enter the escort card. Each guest (or each couple) will have an escort card bearing their name. They are typically arranged on a table alphabetically by last name, and look something like this:

Mr. and Mrs. Jeffery Brown
Table 17

Mr. and Mrs. Brown will pick up their card and it provides the direction, in one sense, escorting them to table 17. An escort card identifies only the table reserved for each guest, not the actual place. If there is no other indication as to where they should sit, they choose whatever seat they wish at table 17.

However....

If Mr. and Mrs. Brown arrive at table 17 and find place card at each setting, then they look for their names and sit exactly at the place this card is set. Place cards identify the specific seat reserved for each guest. They bear the guest's name and are most often set above the place setting facing out so the place may be identified.

Notes for brides:

If you're using escort cards WITHOUT place cards...

It's a good idea to set the escort cards at each place for the bridal party so they don't have to worry about where exactly they should sit.
You might also consider presetting escort cards for parents, grandparents, and other honored guests to ensure they get a "good" seat.

If you're using escort cards WITHOUT place cards AND offering meal choices....

Be sure to create a separate escort card for each guest and indicate their meal selection (rather than putting couples or families on one card.
You might want to reconsider adding place cards to ensure that each guest's meal choice is viewable by the catering staff. Not every guest will place his escort card on the table in front of him.

If you're using place cards WITHOUT escort cards...

If you want to use place cards, you must find a way to convey each guest's table assignment. Escort cards are one way of doing that, so if you don't want to use them, you must find another way.
One common alternative is to create a chart of sorts, listing your guests alphabetically along with their assigned table. For example...

{photo here at Mthree Studio)

Another idea is to supply ushers with a list of guests and table assignments, and they can escort guests to their seats.

After reading all of this, now you know why a "place card table" is an oxymoron and therefore cannot and does not exist. Please tell your wedding professionals who don't know the difference. Or we could all just call them "plescort cards."

Got questions? Confused? Leave a comment!

*Escort cards may also be referred to as "seating cards."

The Recessionista loves a suit

2009-03-24T15:50:00.005-05:00

Meghan discusses the tux vs. the suit. I am so tempted to insert my commentary next to the photos, but I shall let you draw your own conclusions.

{source}

Tuxedos, shiny shoes, fancy dresses, dancing late into the night… what do these things make you think of? No, not a wedding, but maybe Junior Prom! No offense to all of those brides that are choosing tuxedos for the menswear on their big day, but they are just not for my wedding. I had the pleasure of seeing Stylist in a tux (with tails, might I add!) when he escorted me to Junior Prom, and I don’t need to see that again anytime soon (even though he did look very handsome).

Suits are becoming a popular alternative for many summer weddings but I also think they work great for fall weddings. The reason I love the idea of a suit is comfort. I think the groomsmen will be much more comfortable without the vest that goes along with a tux. I also really like the idea of allowing all the groomsmen to choose their own tie within a chosen color palette. This allows for some personality to show through instead of the uniformity of an all-black tux.

This is the perfect suit for our wedding. It will look so sharp with the black and ivory bridesmaid dresses and will look fab in all of our outdoor pictures.

{source}

If anyone else is choosing an alternative to a traditional tuxedo please leave a comment. I would love to hear what other brides are doing!

Email issues at The White Box

2009-03-21T10:04:00.003-05:00

If you follow me on twitter, you know that our email system freaked out yesterday (well, we discovered it yesterday anyway) and hasn't been the same since. Sending and receiving emails is a total crap shoot here; sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, with no apparent rhyme or reason. CFO was up until the wee hours working on it, and he spent a good part of this morning on the phone with the good people at GoDaddy trying to find the root of the problem. It's still nonsense. But, this is the sort of thing that makes life interesting. And if everything was always peachy, well, success would be a whole lot easier.

Anyway, if you need to contact me, you still have a few reliable options:

Tweet me @thewhitebox
Message me on Facebook
Pick up the good old-fashioned telephone and call the studio at 414-763-7480.

If you have sent us an email in the last week or two and it has gone unanswered, I can assure you that we have not received it. Please use one of the alternate forms of communication listed above until we can solve the problem or create a viable alternative. Hopefully we'll get everything resolved over the weekend and we'll be back in action on Tuesday.

Thank you so much for your patience!

12 random things that creep me out when I visit a vendor website

2009-03-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

As a planner, I get a lot of emails from vendors who want to introduce themselves or work with The White Box on some level. Occasionally, a client will ask me about a vendor with whom I'm not very familiar, and I'll do a bit of research. The first thing I always do is type their name in Google and look for a website. Oh, the website.....

While eating breakfast at my kitchen table one morning, I was inspired to make this list. Vendors, if any of these qualities describe your website, I would recommend a reevaluation.

Here are the first twelve things that came to mind. But be not misled, there are many more:

1. A portfolio full of pictures that look like they’re from 1987.

2. A portfolio with 30 pictures of the same event.

3. A portfolio filled with people if you’re not a photographer. Why would a decorator put a picture of a bride and groom in his portfolio? What did he decorate in that picture?

4. Bad photos that were taken with a point & shoot – or worse, with a disposable Kodak, later scanned and put on the site.

5. An "About Me" page with no photo. It makes people wonder. Don't be mad; it's true. Image is important.

6. Links that look like this: http://www. mycoolblog.com/about/home.htm

7. When it says the vendor has been doing weddings for OVER TWO YEARS!

8. When I click on “contact” and an email opens up.

9. When the Testimonials/Clients section says things like “Jane created the most beautiful centerpieces for our reception.” It is a florist's job to create a beautiful centerpiece; a testimonial should demonstrate more than the fact that you are able to do your job.

10. When it says "Serving Milwaukee, West Allis, Waukesha, New Berlin, and Wauwatosa." These cities are all part of “the greater Milwaukee area." Does this mean Brookfield weddings are out of the question?

11.When it says "Specializing in birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, funerals, surprise parties, themed parties, corporate parties, fundraisers, engagement parties, bachelor(ette) parties, and more!" Specializing in everything is specializing in nothing.

12. Information on an “upcoming wedding show” that took place six months ago.

As always, dear readers, you are welcome to add to this list in the comments section.

Belated Recessionista Redesign

2009-03-18T12:47:00.002-05:00

Meghan confesses a change in her wedding design.

Remember this post, specifically point one, about picking a design and sticking with it? Well I’ve done it; I am completely human (and completely a BRIDE) and have rethought my entire design. My former design revolved around being simple with the use of brown, champagne and gold. I also loved this dress from After Six and I felt like it was the component that really brought my design together.

Well, a few weeks ago, I was in Miss Ruby and saw this fab Lela Rose dress. When I first saw it, I immediately loved it and began to think it would be a great dress for my rehearsal dinner. Then I quickly realized that our rehearsal dinner will most likely be outside {on Stylist’s family farm!} and that dress just wouldn’t cut it. And that’s when it happened… I decided it was perfect for my bridesmaids. It’s sophisticated but fun, just like my girls. So, as you can see, this dress no longer fits my “old” design. I have now decided to focus the neutrals black, white, and gray (as opposed to brown). I am so excited about this change in design because it will portray more of our personalities, and isn’t that what a wedding is about?

There will be more details to come but I feel the need to redeem myself for being hypocritical by saying that the change is not stressing me out. Designing your wedding should be stress-free and exciting, even if you change it a million times (please don’t). I am simply not stressed because I enjoy the design aspect and also have the time to be able to change. Now, if in a couple months I write another post describing a bunch of changes please, Milwaukee Brides come visit and talk some sense in to me.

The new wedding reception

2009-03-11T12:13:00.005-05:00

*This post was inspired by an anonymous comment in response to my Identity Crisis. Enjoy!

Why do we do what we do at a wedding reception? Why are all wedding receptions the same when the couples are all so different?

Meghan and I spent some time today brainstorming totally NEW ideas for wedding events, and I must say, some of them are pretty fantastic. These ideas won't be for everyone--some of them I would never even consider if it was my wedding day, and some might be downright ridiculous--but, I think everyone will find something that they can appreciate here. Feel free to pass these ideas along, or add your own in the comments section.

The New Wedding Reception: 29 "Inside-the-Box" ideas for brides

Video Games. Bring in flat screen TVs and several Wii gaming systems. As an added detail and fun surprise: make a "Mii" for each one of your guests before the wedding. (Note: You can have up to 100 Miis per system).

Cooking Demonstration. Find a chef or caterer that will provide a cooking demonstration in front of your guests as they observe how their meal is prepared. When the show is finished, servers would bring out the plated meals prepared just as the chef had demonstrated.

Awards Show. Host an awards presentation with prizes for "best dressed," "best dancer," etc. Each member of the wedding party could present an award that relates to them.

Guided Tour. Provide a tour of your reception venue with a fun and interesting guide. This would be particularly fun if your venue has special meaning to you or your story as a couple.

Band/Orchestra Performance. This idea is hardly new, but consider hiring a large swing band or orchestra for your reception. This will be entertaining to guests who don't enjoy dancing.

Theatre. Put on a skit, or hire a theatre group to perform a short play for your guests.

Contests. Wedding-cake-eating contest, anyone?

Professional Dance Performance. Again, this idea isn't new, but you can hire professional dancers of any type to perform for your guests. (My cousin had one of her friends perform a fire-dance at her reception!)

Professional Dance Instruction. Hire dancers to teach your guests how to ballroom or swing dance.

Street Entertainers. Ventriloquists, acrobats, magicians, stilt-walkers, themed character actors, unicyclists, mimes, living statues... you get the idea. You might consider clowns, balloon artists, or face-painters to entertain children.

Raffles. Guests can earn raffle tickets in different ways, or perhaps they can outright purchase them to win prizes related to the couple or the event theme.

Silent Auction. No... too tacky.

Drive-In. Superfun idea for an "inside-the-box" ceremony. Consider having snacks served by waiters on rollerskates.

Design Showcase. Guests could "sponsor" a table to design and allow the couple's style to inspire their theme. Each table would be completely different. Perhaps designers could come in the morning to set up their table design. Guests could walk around and vote on the top designs. As an added detail, it would be fun to coordinate this and include the wedding gift as part of the design somehow.

Marching Band/Color Guard. Fun idea for an outdoor ceremony or reception.

Sing-Along. Some of these ideas really require the "right" group of guests. This is one of them. The songs could be fun and kitchy or traditional cultural favorites.

Game Show. Some DJs will create hokey versions of game shows, but for the quiz show couple, this could be done well with the right investment.

"Real Life" Theatre. Hire actors to be fake guests or servers at your wedding to entertain your [real] guests, a la "The Real Wedding Crashers" without the "crasher" part.

Stand-Up Comedy. Hire a comedian to entertain guests for any portion of your evening.

Opera. A true opera singer would, for the right group, be fantastic.

Picnic. For a more casual outdoor reception, provide every couple or family with a blanket and a basket filled with food. Guests would set up their own picnics and enjoy a lovely afternoon together. The baskets and blankets could be kept as "favors."

Casino Night. Bring in craps and blackjack, even a roulette wheel, and hire some dealers to host your own casino reception. Provide chips to your guests and let them redeem them for prizes or drinks.

Board Games. Set up tables of four at your reception and arrange each board game in the middle. Save money on centerpieces AND provide entertainment for your guests.

Charades. Use the category "Guests at this wedding."

Magicians/Illusionists. These would serve your guests particularly well during your cocktail hour.

Petting Zoo. Animal lovers can bring in a travelling petting zoo to enertain children.

Arcade. Set up an area filled with old-school arcade games like Pacman and Pinball. Load them up with quarters so guests can play all night.

Scavenger Hunt. Arrange for a scavenger hunt during your cocktail hour. This could encourage guests to explore a really fabulous reception venue that might otherwise go unappreciated.

Runway Show. In lieu of a grand march. Oh, the possibilities...

Got other ideas? Let's hear them!

The Recessionista knows how to {properly} address an invitation

2009-03-10T23:03:00.003-05:00

Meghan responds to some of the common situations one faces when addressing wedding invitations.

Last week Stylist and I received a wedding invitation that was addressed with his name “and guest” At first I didn’t think much of it because I am used to seeing it but then the more I stared at the envelope I began to get annoyed. The couple getting married knows that we, too, are getting married and that Stylist won’t be bringing some random guest. So, to ensure that you don’t make the same mistake, below I have listed many common errors found in addressing a wedding invitation. All of these examples are taken from Emily Post’s Etiquette.

Married couples with young children:

The adults’ names should go on the outer envelope as shown below and the inner envelope will list the individual names of those invited. Listing the names on the inner envelope ensures that there will be no confusion with who is invited.

Example: Mr. and Mrs. Oliver Jason Adair

Couples who live together:

For couples that live together and are not married, it is alright to put them on the same envelope as long as you are familiar with their situation.

Example:
Ms. Doris Rasmussen
Mr. Harrison Colwell

People with military and professional titles:

All titles should be written out and the person holding the title should be the first name listed.

Example: Admiral and Mrs. Henry Jernigan
Example: Judge Crystal Sims and Mr. Randall Sims

And, my favorite, guests who are welcome to bring a guest:

The appropriate way to go about this would be to find out the name and address of the guest that is accompanying the invitee and send them a separate invitation. This is more personable and allows you to know exactly who is attending your wedding.

If there are situations that I haven’t covered feel free to comment and I will provide an example. Or, as always, feel free to call The White Line.

Get. A. Slip.

2009-03-07T11:14:00.004-06:00

Ladies,

It's impossible to be chic and stylish and lovely if you're wearing a clingy dress with no slip. You need a good slip... or maybe six good slips. But, one thing at a time.

I used to hate slips. I actually stopped wearing them for a time because they made me self-conscious and uncomfortable. I always had cheap ones with annoying elastic that bunched weird or wouldn't breathe. And they were ugly (or at least mine were).

One day, I went to one of my favorite lingerie stores and noticed a small selection of beautiful slips. My eyes were opened to a new level of refined femininity. I paid up, and I found new freedom in my wardrobe.

I strongly encourage you to spend some money on a lovely new slip that makes you look and feel fabulous. This is not something you'll find at Kohl's or Target or even Macy's. Find a specialty lingerie store or go to Nortstrom's (all you lucky people who actually HAVE a Nordstrom's) and give me the report when you get back!

How to remove a blusher veil, aka "Avoiding the tortoise neck," aka My first video blog

2009-03-05T15:52:00.004-06:00

In light of my current identity crisis, I thought I'd throw everyone off and post a video.

I know.

I made this a few months ago (as you can see from my blonde hair which I miss desperately). I was sitting in the studio by myself one night about to write a post about how a bride can gracefully allow the removal of her blusher veil. After much frustration over trying to explain myself using written words alone, I thought I'd give video a try.

I have to say, I have a new respect for talk radio personalities and podcast hosts. Talking to yourself is strange, especially when you're not really talking to yourself, but to people you can't see from whom you get zero feedback. Weird.

So, here I am. I already know my friends are going to tell me how reserved I seem, but I can't share all my theatre tricks in one post. :-) Anyway, I do believe you will be seeing more videos from The White Box.

Enjoy!

How to remove a blusher veil (aka "Avoiding the tortoise neck") from Monica Gill on Vimeo.

Identity crisis

2009-03-03T16:41:00.003-06:00

Hello, Lovelies!

I hope you're not too disappointed to be hearing from me today instead of our resident Recessionista, Meghan. But, I wanted to share something with you that has been on my mind for some time now.

Every once in a while I get into this creative freeze. It's not the kind of freeze that comes from not being able to come up with new ideas; it's really the opposite. It comes from having too many ideas and not being able to decide what's better and not really knowing how to prioritize them.

I've been feeling this freeze with Bespoke. I have many pages worth of topics just waiting to discuss with you, but I've recently been stuck on just how to proceed.

If you're a faithful reader, you know that Bespoke is more editorial than anything else. I prefer the editorial style because I think that thoughtful, straight talk about weddings, design, and style is hard to come by these days. Sometimes the posts are directed to brides, and sometimes they're intended for vendors and other wedding planners. Either way, my goal is to provide thought-provoking, inspiring, and meaningful commentary about the wedding industry.

I don't share many pictures because I know there are tons of other blogs that have great pictures; however, some of my readers have said they'd like to see more photos. I don't share a lot of personal information because I have a hard time believing that anyone really cares much about my life; however, I always get the most comments from my more personal posts. I don't share much about my clients' weddings because I want the unique ideas we've developed for them to stay that way -- unique to them -- at least until after the wedding day (though I believe this has led some to believe that I don't actually have any clients).

So, dear readers, I ask you, what would you like to see?

I should probably put a formal survey together, but I thought I'd just share this with you today and see what you think. So, what do you think? What would you like to see more of? What do you miss?

If you'd prefer, you may always feel free to email us with your ideas, questions, and suggestions at info{at}whiteboxwedding{dot}com.

A word about trends

2009-02-26T18:30:00.002-06:00

You already know what I think about copying the latest trends for your wedding.

Bridal magazines will tell you what the trends are NOW. This means if your wedding is next year, it's going to look like last year's trend.

Fashion magazines will tell what trends are NEXT. This means you can safely allow these looks to inspire you and be right on track with the latest and greatest.

Being trendy is fun. And if you're style is always the latest look, then you'll have fun exploring and embracing what's hot. But when you're aiming for "timeless," "elegant," and "classy," remember that trends are fickle lovers. They’ll make you feel like Miss Fabulous one day and a hokey has-been the next.*

What do you think about wedding trends? Do you keep up with them? Do they have any influence on your wedding style?

*Thanks to Pirate Christian Radio for coining a similar analogy about relevance.

How a recessionista gets from here to there

2009-02-24T17:30:00.002-06:00

Meghan shares her decision about wedding day transportation.

Finding the right means of transportation for our wedding party seemed like it would be simple. I really wanted a limo. A classic, black limousine -- sharp and eye-catching. None of these stretch Escalades, Hummers or party bus things. However, as I began to research limo companies, I struggled to find a reputable company with a limo large enough for a 12 person wedding party. I really wanted to reserve a 14 person limo so that we had extra room to be comfortable.

Well, if I couldn't have a 14 passenger limo, I figured I’d just rent two limos and split up the bridal party will split up. Well, this idea became expensive fast. And then there's the decision of how to split everyone up. And what about pictures?

So, what is a recessionista to do? Walk the 30 miles between the church and reception site? Definitely not.

After much research, I've decided to rent a trolley.

A trolley is so practical because it has tons of room for all of the wedding party and even extra room for our photographer, parents, and anyone else who wants to pile on during pictures. Another advantage to a trolley is it can be decorated and we can bring food and drinks on board. It obviously isn’t the feel I was going for originally, but we're making it work. One of the qualities of a recessionista is flexibility-- trust me, I'm reminding myself that every day.

Oh, I almost forgot! I got an incredible deal, too. :-)

If you're looking for other transportation ideas, Monica created a list of 11 bridal party transportation ideas on The Milwaukee Wedding Blog. This list is relevant to brides anywhere, so check it out!

The Recessionista offers 3 ways to keep wedding stress in check

2009-02-17T18:06:00.005-06:00

After observing many stressed-out brides, visitors, and White Line callers, Meghan offers her tips on how to keep stress at a minimum during the planning process.

Today I am acting as a bit of a therapist because lately I've been hearing so many brides talk about how stressed out and worried they are about their weddings when they should be enjoying the process and this blissful time in their lives. Yes, wedding planning can be stressful, but when you have 12 months to plan (and most brides do) and you approach the process rationally, there really isn't THAT much to do. It's all very doable.

Too often, brides panic unnecessarily, so I wanted to offer some of my suggestions for keeping things under control.

1. The first step to a stress-free planning process is to create a design and inspiration board that you love and stick with it. Think through each decision, and then don’t change it. Remember back in school when someone said go with your first answer (because it's probably the right one) well, that still applies. Rethinking your design is stressful because it’s taking time away from other parts of the process.

2. I also suggest that brides try to not think about their wedding every minute of every day. It’s not necessary to be planning everyday. You need to take time away from planning. When brides begin to think about their wedding everyday is when they begin second guessing every decision they made.

3. Lastly, I suggest that you don’t use websites that create a to-do list for you. These lists are overwhelming and time consuming, especially when not every task on the list applies to your wedding. If you need help planning, organizing, and prioritizing your tasks, you will feel so much better if you spend an hour or two with a wedding consultant. If you need help prioritizing one or two things, call THE WHITE LINE and we can help you out {in a stress-free manner!}.

Does anyone have other ideas about how to deal with wedding planning stress?

"Cafeteria" design

2009-02-13T17:15:00.000-06:00

Putting a meal together at a cafeteria takes a minimal number of brain cells. You walk by a variety of foods that have already been made and decide which ones you want on your plate.

Perhaps one day you decide you want a really "unique" meal -- something different from everyone else. You put salad on top of your lasagna and eat your coke with a spoon. Your meal is unique, but it still has all the same components as those who separate their salad from their lasagna and choose to use a straw. It may make an unusual presentation, but salad, lasagna, and coke are all pretty normal foods.

A true designer knows that being unique means creating things that have never been seen before, or finding a new use for something others might consider ordinary.

Nearly every bride who walks into our studio says she wants her wedding to be unique, and yet many are satisfied with "cafeteria" design, taking a few ideas from this wedding and a few ideas from that magazine and creating a unique combination of a lot of un-unique ideas.

Is your wedding truly unique or have you created a cafeteria design?

New Calligraphy

2009-02-12T12:18:00.006-06:00

Perhaps it is the perfectionist in me, but I am a huge advocate of calligraphy, which probably ought to be the subject for another post. Really, though, who can deny the art of lettering?

I confess that I am also enamored with letterpress, which certainly puts me among the majority of designers.

Letterpress + calligraphy is incredibly beautiful. And this... this delights me so much that I can hardly sit still:

Find it here at Bella Figura. Designed by Milwaukee's own Debi Zeinert.

The Milwaukee Wedding Blog LAUNCH

2009-02-11T15:32:00.004-06:00

Milwaukee brides, you now have a new home:

www.themilwaukeeweddingblog.com

The Milwaukee Wedding Blog will feature ideas and advice from our own White Box Members. Collectively, over one dozen of us will share our expertise with you.

Bespoke will remain, and our focus will be true to the interests of all brides, no matter their location. But, we'll share special tips about planning your Brew City wedding over at The Milwaukee Wedding Blog.

Enjoy!

The Recessionista takes a scissors to her guest list

2009-02-10T18:03:00.005-06:00

Meghan shares her guest list woes as she pares down a count for her hometown wedding.

Do you have a growing guest list? Something tells me I'm not the only one...

Creating a reasonable guest list considering our venue and budget has been a very difficult task for me and Stylist. We both have large families, lots of family friends, and not to mention many high school and college friends. We didn’t want to exclude anyone, but also want our day to be intimate and surrounded by people we love. We’ve really spent a lot of time determining who should be invited and what criteria to use. The following questions really helped us decrease our growing guest list:

• Do you know both of us?
• Would we feel awkward in a receiving line with you?
• Would we want to have a conversation with you?
• Have we had some type contact with you in the last three months?
• Are you family? (this is sort of an automatic “in”)

My hope is that the criteria we used will spark your own thoughts on how to ensure that the people at your wedding are those who will add to the joy of your day. Remember, don’t feel obligated to invite anyone. It’s your wedding and you should share it with exactly whom you want to!

Does anyone have other ideas about how to reduce your guest list?

Introducing a NEW blog just for Milwaukee brides!

2009-02-07T11:41:00.003-06:00

Bespoke presents a new blog exclusively for Milwaukee brides. The Milwaukee Wedding Blog is a collaborative space for White Box Members to dish advice, answer questions and get brides connected with great vendors in the Milwaukee area. A variety of vendors will be contributing, including photographers, caterers, and floral designers.

Don’t worry, Bespoke is not changing and will continue to be a place for all brides to come for etiquette advice, planning ideas, and inspiration.
The Milwaukee Wedding Blog will launch on February 11, so stop by to meet some of Milwaukee’s best wedding professionals!

How much does a nice, elegant wedding cost?

2009-02-05T18:11:00.004-06:00

If you're reading this because you want to know how much a nice, elegant wedding costs, stay with me. You are exactly the person I hoped would drop by.

If you want to put me in an awkward situation, ask me that question. My thought process will be as follows:

A 'nice' wedding? What does that even mean? And 'elegant'? Well, we know how that word gets abused. How am I supposed to know this person's definition of "nice" or "elegant"? I don't even know her. What I think is nice or elegant may not be the same as what you think is nice or elegant. There are a number of caterers, restaurants, and venues in this city that many people think are nice, but that I would never even consider for a wedding. Don't back me into a corner and make me be snobby!

What I will actually say will be something like, "Well, that really depends. What kind of event did you have in mind? Do you have any thoughts about style or venues? How many guests would you like to invite?"

Hint: "A sit-down dinner for 200" is not the right answer. Some people have sit-down dinners at a VFW hall for 200 and call it "nice" and "elegant." Some people have the "that's a lot of money to spend on just one day" mentality, and others have the "I'm only getting married once so let's pull out all the stops" perspective. Just as I won't assume your definition of "affordable", I also won't assume that I know your definition of elegant just by talking to you.

I understand that some couples have absolutely no clue what to expect a bouquet to cost ($30? $500?) or the going rate for tablecloth rentals (umm...$5?). Certainly there will be a minimum cost if you want a wedding and reception with all expected "wedding" and reception elements, but can you honestly tell me that this wedding is not both nice and elegant?

Everyone wants a nice, elegant wedding, remember? How much "nice" costs is up to you.

Affordable, reasonable, budget-friendly wedding services

2009-02-04T13:18:00.005-06:00

When a bride visits our studio or calls THE WHITE LINE asking for an “affordable” photographer, “budget-friendly” venue, or “reasonably-priced” DJ, I never know what to say. Actually, I do know what to say, but I’m sure it’s not the answer the bride is looking for.

I’m sure brides use these words because they are afraid to use actual numbers (as previously discussed in this post), but I am not a mind-reader. I wouldn’t dare guess your budget based on how you talk, the clothes you’re wearing, or the size of the ring on your finger. I have no idea what is reasonable or affordable for you because I don’t know your budget!

Brides, please don’t email vendors asking for such services. You must understand that what seems unreasonable to you might be very reasonable for someone else. No bride – even she who has millions to spend – wants a vendor whose pricing is unreasonable in her mind.

If you have $20,000 to spend on your wedding, you may think $5,000 for wedding planning services is “overpriced” (25% of my budget!), when in fact it could be the deal of the century considering the level of service offered.

If the cost of services quoted to you is more than you can afford, that doesn’t mean the services are overpriced. If you find yourself in this situation, simply say, “Thank you for your time, but unfortunately that is more than my budget allows. Do you offer anything in the $____ range?”

If you’d rather avoid the above conversation, be candid about your budget constraints from the start. When emailing a potential cake designer, for example, include a line that says, “I have a budget of $1,200 for 200 guests. Do you offer any cakes in that price range?” Not only will your vendors appreciate it, you’ll save yourself a lot of time.

Meet other Milwaukee Recessionistas

2009-02-03T18:20:00.005-06:00

Meghan wants you to get connected. Recessionistas have to stick together.

Dear Milwaukee Brides,

Are you looking for a way to get connected with other Brew City Brides? Well, I have a few suggestions for you.

On Thursday, February 5, The White Box will be holding a Wedding Planning 101 seminar. We will define your expectations, help you set priorities, create a wedding planning itinerary, and provide you with tips to assemble your guest list. In addition to tackling some of those stressful topics, you will have a chance to meet and mingle with other brides (including me!). We do this the first Thursday of every month, so if this week doesn’t work, mark your calendars for March!

Wedding Planning 101 costs $20 to attend and advance registration is required. Call our studio at 414-763-7480 if you’d like to reserve your spot as space is limited.

If your schedule is busy and doesn’t allow you to attend the seminar, I encourage you to join the Brew City Brides Facebook Group. It’s a place to exchange ideas and first-hand wedding planning experiences.

Hope to chat with you soon!

Warmly,

Meghan
The White Box Recessionista

P.S. We're also planning the launch of a NEW BLOG just for Milwaukee Brides! Stay tuned for an announcement later this week...

engage!09

2009-01-30T14:27:00.004-06:00

Well, the blogosphere has been abuzz about engage!09, a high-impact wedding business summit to be held in Grand Cayman this June.

If you're in the wedding industry, you probably remember the excitement surrounding engage!08 and engage!08 {the encore} last year. We all got pretty excited about attending engage!09, which promised to be even better. I had every intention of going, until CFO and I decided to make 2009 "get out of debt" year -- an honorable pursuit, and one that I know I will not regret, but that doesn't make it easy.

When I found out that engage! would be taken to a whole new level in 09, I knew the cost would be far more than we could afford. A scholarship opportunity was announced on the engage!09 blog, and I applied, thinking that if God wanted me to go, He would provide a way... and it looks like He did.

Today the scholarship recipient was announced. I got a phone call from Rebecca and Kathryn of Engaging Concepts this morning who had been trying to contact me for the last 45 minutes as I was cluelessly tweeting about my Peapod order...

I am incredibly honored to receive this amazing opportunity. Thank you to all who made this possible.

See you in Grand Cayman!!

Help Meghan choose her invitation

2009-01-28T18:19:00.005-06:00

Meghan shares her invitation dilemma. Recessionista or not, this is a big decision! She turns to you, dear readers for help.

My planning process has been so simple until now. I have known exactly who I wanted for photography, what flowers I wanted, and what my bridesmaids will wear. Now, I’m stuck. I have been going back and forth between a couple of invitations for a few months now. I keep telling myself it is fine to be unsure because I don’t need to order anytime soon, but no, it’s not fine, it’s driving me (and I’m sure Monica) nuts! So I was hoping you all would weigh in…

#1

I really think this invitation is lovely and I absolutely adore the ribbon. I also like that the invitation pulls up and out. It’s a nice change from the invitations I am used to seeing. The one problem I see is that it conveys more of a daytime event, which doesn’t coincide with our wedding at all.

#2

This invitation has been my favorite from the first time I saw it. I love that it is organized and pieces won’t fall out as our guests open their invites. You can’t tell from the picture but the design on the response and reception cards are actually punched out which really adds to the design of the invitation. The one downside I see is the date on the outside (not pictured, but not attractive, trust me) and also the neutral color, which cannot be changed.

Which invitation do you like best for an evening wedding in the fall?

You can't discount free

2009-01-23T17:41:00.004-06:00

We've seen a lot of sales and discounts going on in response to the current economy.

I would just like to announce that The White Box is NOT offering any special deals on our vendor recommendations, design ideas, planning tips, or etiquette advice. We will not offer any discounts on calls to THE WHITE LINE, either. In fact, we're going to charge brides the same amount we would if the poor were rich and the rich were richer.

You can't discount FREE. Free is just free. Take it or leave it.

We suggest taking it. Come visit us soon.

A recessionista mom

2009-01-20T21:48:00.004-06:00

Meghan shares her vision of what two of the most important women in her life will wear on her wedding day.

What should the moms involved in your wedding wear on your big day?

When I picture mothers’ dresses I picture long, dark colored dresses with a jacket or some type of shawl to cover their shoulders. To me, these dresses seem outdated and really make the mothers look uncomfortable. These dresses can be great if they suit the style of the women who wear them, but so often I see mothers compromising their personal style to follow the trend.

Instead of heading right for the “mother of the bride” section of a boutique, why not look through bridesmaid dresses first? There are so many sophisticated and classy bridesmaids styles out there that are perfect for mothers' dresses. If you’re interested in this look, consider Jenny Yoo, Jim Hjelm, and Gail Garrison. They all offer dresses that could easily be worn by a mother of the bride or groom.

Both my mother and future mother-in-law have great style (must be where my stylist gets it from!) and I really want that to show on our wedding day. I want them look and feel comfortable, confident, and fabulous.

Here are a few of my favorite MOB or MOG gowns:

#JYS-318 by Jenny Yoo

#JYCC-176 by Jenny Yoo

#JYCC-214 by Jenny Yoo

What do you think?

How to take a man's arm

2009-01-17T12:58:00.015-06:00

{source}

There are a few customs in which we seem to only take part on a wedding day. More than likely, brides and bridesmaids will be taking the arm of a gentleman at some point, whether it be for a processional, recessional, or grand march.

CFO offers his arm to me regularly. I have a number of male friends who have offered me their arm when we walk together. It doesn't matter if you're in jeans or a ballgown, the offer of a gentleman's arm to a lady is always a lovely gesture. But it wasn't until I got involved in the wedding industry that I realized how awkward it is for many men and women alike.

I review this at every wedding rehearsal. If you won't be seeing me before your big day, you may want to take notes.

A gentleman offers his arm to a lady.

He bends his elbow to form a right angle and provides the woman with a sure, solid arm. It doesn't hurt to flex for her, as long as he's not too tense. He does not leave his arm dangling at his side, nor does he let his wrist loose.

{source}

Notes for men:

Grooms and fathers, it is perfectly charming and appropriate for you to grasp the hand of your wife or daughter:

{source}

Guys, you need to commit to offering your arm. Leaving your arm loose will make you look careless or insecure:

{source}

And by all means, keep your arm in front of you. Otherwise, you'll look like you've linked arms:

{source}

A lady takes the arm of a man.

She confidently takes hold of his bicep, actually holding onto it.

{source}

She does not link arms with him. This is not a square dance.

Notes for ladies:

It is possible to look lovely and while standing apart form your escort, as long as you're holding his bicep. However, when walking down the aisle, it's best to stand close to your escort, even if you have a big poofy dress. Standing too far away may inhibit your posture and make your arm look stuck:

{source}

Please do not make a fist:

{source}

You may certainly put your hand on your escort's forearm, but spreading your fingers apart is not elegant:

{source}

Do not be afraid to actually grasp his arm. Otherwise, you will look like this:

{source}

Ladies and gentleman, if nothing else, PLEASE do not find yourself in this scenario:

{source}

Above is an image of a father taking the arm of his daughter. Who is escorting who here?

I do hope that clarifies a few things for you. Brides, feel free to forward this post to your groom, father, or wedding party.

Before you go, I wish to add that not one of the brides pictured above is holding her bouquet correctly. If you're not sure why, read our post on How to hold a bouquet. Also, if you're planning to walk with two escorts on your wedding day, be sure to check out yesterday's report on How to handle two escorts.

Questions? Comments? Leave us a note below.

How to be graceful with two escorts

2009-01-16T16:07:00.003-06:00

Some women will choose to have two escorts, be they two brothers, a mother and father, a father and stepfather, or some other combination. Considering the fact that many women are not used to taking the arm of even one escort, having two gets difficult when you’re trying to be elegant. Throw a bouquet in the mix, and you have a recipe for awkward.

If you’re considering two escorts, you need to think through exactly how you want to handle them, or, shall we say, how you want them to handle you.

The biggest faux pas to avoid (and the easiest to fall into) is looking like your escort is taking YOUR arm.

A few ideas for staying ladylike:

If your escorts are your brothers or uncles, etc. (non-parents)…

Take one brother’s arm (probably the older one) with your free, non-bouquet-holding hand and hold your bouquet properly as demonstrated in this post. I envision the other brother with his arm around you (hand on your back) and perhaps with his other hand on your arm.

If your escorts are your parents…

Take your father’s arm as you would normally. Your mother can position herself as the younger brother would above with her hand on your back, or she may simply walk alongside you.

If your escorts are your father and stepfather…

This is a tricky one if you want to avoid drama and hurt feelings. Not having a stepfather, I would think that having both your father and stepfather walking you down the aisle would be uncomfortable for one or all of the parties involved.

Here’s how I would do it:

Dad #1 (probably the one to whom you’re closest) is positioned halfway down the aisle. Dad #2 escorts you from your entrance to the halfway point where you will pause to be handed off to Dad #1. You can still take your time to hug Dad #2; and he can lift your blusher veil to kiss your cheek. You may even transition to a different song before taking the arm of Dad #1. If you want both of them to respond to “Who gives this woman?” have Dad #2 follow behind after you take the arm of Dad #1.

If you must have two escorts at the same time and you don’t like the idea of one of them simply walking along beside you, you’ll need to do something else with your bouquet, like...

Skip it altogether. Perhaps consider a lovely wrist corsage instead. Take your groom’s arm when your escorts hand you off and hold his hand through the ceremony.

Have your flower girl carry your bouquet down the aisle and hand it to you when your escorts give you away. Disclaimer: The workability of this idea depends on the responsibility of your flower girl.

If one of your escorts is your mother, have her carry your bouquet in her free hand and present it to you before giving you away.

Did you have two escorts at your wedding? Share your tips with others in the comments section.

Cake, the recessionista way

2009-01-14T18:51:00.002-06:00

This week, Meghan shares her approach to selecting a cake for her wedding.

So I promised to talk about cake this week and of course I’m thrilled to because as all of you know by now, I love cake! Seriously though, my best advice regarding cake is to have fun with it. In the past, the wedding cake was the standout piece of a reception but It’s really not like that anymore. I mean heck, some people are skipping the cake altogether.

Lately, I’ve been feeling that my wedding is getting way too formal for my guests and I need to lighten the feel a bit to help everyone feel more comfortable. Your cake is where you can really do something creative and people won’t think you’ve lost it. Your cake can be colorful, tall, tiny, themed…the possibilities are endless! I am so excited to design a cake that my guests have never seen before.

Stylist and I have decided that we are having a two-tiered cake to cut and then we will have sheet cake served to our guests. Yes, the same amount of cake is being provided but it’s cheaper because you aren’t paying for the tiers and decoration. I also love this idea because so often guests are waiting long after dinner to receive their cake. This way, your dinner and evening can flow with no interruptions.

Let your cake be a reflection of you and your event. Be creative and don’t hesitate to do something different and fun!

Next week I will discuss how a recessionista’s mom (and mom-to-be!) can shop for their wedding day attire.

Cake for a cause

2009-01-12T09:29:00.003-06:00

Masterpiece Weddings in Gainesville, Florida is putting on a major fundraiser next month to benefit St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital. The name of the fundraiser is Let's Eat Cake!, and Melissa, owner of Masterpiece Weddings, is the driving force behind it. I'll share the details in Melissa's own words:

Let’s Eat Cake! is a wedding cake competition, featuring Wedding Cake confections from all over the United States. Bakers will feature their cakes to be judged by Local and National Culinary Celebrities. In addition bakers will be asked to make enough cake to feed the general public, so that they may judge the cakes as well!

You can read more about Let's Eat Cake! here.

The goal is to raise $50,000, and I know Melissa, and most certainly the families and children served by St. Jude, would appreciate every dollar received. Whether or not you can swing a donation, please spread the word about Let's Eat Cake!

How to hold a bouquet

2009-01-10T17:45:00.003-06:00

You wouldn’t think it would be so complicated, but I’ve seen enough weddings to observe that it must be. Brides and bridesmaids: If you won't be seeing us on the big day, this is a must-read.

1. Find the front.

Most bouquets have a “front.” If you find a brooch, bow, or other decoration on the stem, or if your bouquet has any cascading elements, this will be easy to determine. If your bouquet is the basic Martha Stewart hand-tied type, you’ll need to rotate it until you find the part that looks best. The “best” side will be the most full and symmetrical, like this:

Keep this part facing out, particularly during the ceremony and for formal photographs. If you don't, your bouquet may look like this:

It's just not as nice.

2. Grasp (or cradle) it gracefully.

For a nosegay or cascading handheld bouquet (most bouquets)…

Use one hand to gently grasp the bouquet at the base of the blossoms near the top of the stems. Never, ever with white knuckles like this:

...and certainly not like this ridiculousness (I don't care how long or short the stems are!):

...and save these interlocked fingers for prayer and hand-holding:

For a single rose…

The best way to carry a single rose is probably to simply hold the stem in your fingertips a few inches from the blossom. Think that looks weird? You’re right. Don’t make your bridesmaids carry a single rose.

For a single calla lily…

The sleek nature of the calla lily lends itself to being cradled along the arm, the way Miss America would carry a bouquet. In my opinion, only really posh, confident women can pull this off.

3. Keep it low.

Not this low:

And, unless instructed by the photographer, your bouquet should never be held at your neck...

...or chest...

Instead, think of keeping your thumb near your belly button – your forearms will hit your pelvis, like this:

Remember that a bouquet is a very feminine accessory. Doing this is or letting your bouquet hit your knees is only okay if you're trying to pose for a sassy photo:

Many women will choose to be escorted down the aisle. I'll save the speech on how to properly take a gentleman's arm for another post, but for now, let's review how to handle a bouquet and an escort.

It's not like this. This says you're clueless about what to do with your new bride accessory:

It's not like this, unless you're partial to square dancing:

Instead, hold your bouquet with your forearm at your pelvis and take your escort's arm like this:

You may think this is ridiculous, but I've made the sacrifice of posing these for your own good, dear brides (and bridesmaids!). You'll thank me later when you're handed your own bundle of blossoms and you remember these silly pictures of me and my tiny faux bouquet.

Why don’t you… have a weekday wedding?

2009-01-09T15:18:00.002-06:00

I know you Milwaukee brides think I'm crazy, but visit New York City any day of the week and you're bound to run across a bride and groom or two in Central Park.

So, why don't we do that here? Certainly NYC has many more people--and therefore, more weddings--than any Midwest city (although I'm guessing you'll see weekday weddings in Chicago, too), but perhaps we could learn something from this.

I'm still advocating a trend toward smaller weddings (meaning a smaller guest list, though not necessarily a smaller budget). If you have a smallish guest list consisting of local friends and family, why not have a lovely evening wedding on a Tuesday or Thursday? Not only will you be saving money, but you'll also get your pick of just about any vendor you want, even if your wedding is next month.

Other than the possibility of having guests who may need to fly in from out of town, can anyone think of any good reason not to have a weekday wedding? I'd love to hear your opinions on this.

Wedding day regrets

2009-01-08T16:40:00.002-06:00

I’ve always been the sort of person who makes decisions based on whether or not I’ll regret what I’m about to do or not do. Usually this approach has served me well, but sometimes it’s hard to tell what you will regret.

Last year, a bride contacted us a couple of times and seriously considered hiring us to manage her wedding day. She finally decided that she didn’t need a wedding day manager – that her event was pretty straightforward, and that since she had good vendors, everything would run itself.

On the day of her wedding, I had a rehearsal at the same venue. I didn’t even think of it until I got off the elevator and came upon a mass of people – bridesmaids, wedding guests, etc. – swarmed around a very unhappy bride. It was an odd sort of spectacle. I’m not sure what was happening exactly.

The bride saw me immediately. The look on her face made me sad. She was clearly stressed, clearly overwhelmed. I have to say, I thought in that brief moment about putting down my bag and stepping in to serve her. But I didn’t. I smiled as I waded through the crowd, and I told her she looked beautiful. She managed a half-hearted smile in return that made me wonder if she was holding back tears.

…and I walked out the door. And I really regret it.

Looking back, I have no idea why I left. It’s really quite unlike me to walk away from a situation like that. Sure I had a big event the following day, but the whole situation had so clearly been dropped into my lap. I guess I was too concerned with what she might think. I felt awkward enough that I saw her, and she must have wondered what I was doing at her venue on her wedding day. I definitely didn't want her to think that I was being nosey or trying to involve myself where I wasn’t welcome. I could easily envision brides on The Knot talking about how Monica at The White Box stalks brides on their wedding day and tries to make them use her. But, since when do I worry so much about what other people might think of my motives?

The odd thing about all this is that I think she had the same regrets. I’m pretty sure she was wishing she would have hired us that day.

Dear bride, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry I walked away when you were in such a state. I really regret not doing everything I could to help you in that moment.

Darling brides, regrets bring the worst feelings. Please do what you can to avoid them on your wedding day.

11 things I learned at our first wedding show

2009-01-06T20:23:00.008-06:00

Last weekend, we participated in our first bridal show. Meghan, Jordan, CFO, and I rocked it in our little 10x10 booth. I made a few notes, wishing that I could have been posting them on my twitter. Instead, I'll share them here with you. But first, a little bit of perspective:

Me, overly-animated as usual.

The team, hard at work. I wish I would have taken a picture of our booth, pretty and empty, before the show started.

A few pretty shots of our materials.

"A Resource Kit for the Milwaukee Bride."

Brides entered to win two hours of consulting.

Our pretty folders beside the latest issue of Wisconsin Bride, hot off the press, featuring a fantastic design by The White Box (more on that in another post).

My attempt at a better shot of our booth in the middle of teardown.

So now, I give you 11 things I learned at The Wonderful World of Weddings:

1. If a bride is not completely giddy & excited or relieved & thankful after talking with us, we obviously didn’t explain The White Box well enough.

2. Only in Milwaukee do we see beer at a bridal show at 10:00 in the morning.

3. We don’t feel bad about trying to talk to every bride who walks by. They’ll thank us for it when they realize what they’ve been missing.

4. Brides like talking to CFO more than me. What’s up with that?!

5. If we say the words “wedding” and “planner” together, most brides will be stricken with panic.

6. The only remedy to the above situation is to say the word “free” as quickly as possible.

7. Brides get more excited about the idea of coming to The White Box to watch “Whose Line is it Anyway?” than “Whose Wedding is it Anyway?”

8. Some brides get our emails and never read them. And they’re not afraid to tell us.

9. One of my grade school friends whom I haven’t seen in many years is now a bride-to-be.

10. One of CFO’s grade school friends whom he hasn’t seen in many years is soon-to-be a groom-to-be.

11. No matter how many times we explain what The White Box is, some people will still think we’re photographers, stationers, hair stylists, or shadow-box-makers(?).

Sounds like a success to me!

If you saw us at the show last weekend, leave a comment and let us know what YOU learned.

Recessionista as fashionista: Choosing bridesmaid gowns

2009-01-06T13:49:00.006-06:00

Meghan leads brides though the process of selecting bridesmaid dresses.

Selecting Bridesmaid dresses can seem like an overwhelming task, but it doesn’t have to be. I know you are all thinking, “Yeah right! I just picked up the latest issue from The Knot and there are like 500 dresses in there!” However, I promise it doesn’t need to be stressful! When you begin to think about attire, first consider the season and how formal you intend your day to be. Your bridesmaid dresses (along with your dress) set the tone for the entire event. Get in tune with the style and feel you are looking to create and let your dresses follow.

I suggest doing a few things before selecting your dresses. Create an inspiration board from magazine cut-outs (my favorites are Harper’s Bazaar, In Style, and Crate & Barrel) that represent the design scheme you want your wedding to follow. This will help you narrow down dresses that fit your design. Remember to look beyond bridal magazines for this inspiration. Some of the best inspiration for me comes from furniture or home magazines.

Another tip before selecting bridesmaid dresses is to keep your bridesmaids in mind. Selecting a dress that only looks good on a size zero probably isn’t the best idea. You want your girls to be comfortable and confident in the dress you’ve selected. If your girls are all different sizes, I would consider letting them choose a different style in the same color. I also love the idea of the bridesmaids all being able to select a different dress that they love. These dresses don’t need to be even from bridesmaid boutiques; they can be from their favorite stores and will surely be within their budget. This is great as long as the bride sets some guidelines and oversees the selection. In fact, one of our fabulous brides is using this idea and has embraced it fully. Her girls are going to look great!

In addition to all of the above, it also helps to go to a boutique that you trust and are excited to visit. If you don’t want your bridesmaids spending a lot of money, don’t assume you have to limit yourself to David’s Bridal. Many shops will have something to fit a variety of budgets. If you need suggestions on where to go in the Milwaukee area, we highly recommend Miss Ruby Bridesmaid Boutique (down the hall from The White Box!). If you need more ideas, call The White Line!
.
I haven’t shared too much about my wedding with all of you but I’m so excited about these dresses that I can’t wait another 276 days to share them. So, here they are:

{Image Credit}

After Six #6534. My bridesmaids will have the black overlay with brown underneath. What do you think?

Next week, I’m going to talk about cake… because, well, I LOVE cake!

A groom attends a wedding show

2009-01-03T18:29:00.003-06:00

In honor of this weekend's wedding show, I give you CFO's version of last year's letter to wedding show vendors. (If you haven't read "Dear wedding show vendors," check it out here.)

As a former groom who has attended six wedding shows, I have formed my own opinions about what works and what doesn’t. Not every guy is a passive tag-along looking for free cake.

So here we go…

To female vendors in particular: Don’t ignore me when my fiancé is talking to you. No I probably, don’t know what flower you’re talking about, but that doesn’t mean I’m an accessory.

To DJs: Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean that your crass sense of humor will impress me, nor will your lame wedding games.

Please don’t sticker me. Guys hate it more than women do.

Where are your shoes?

Yes we’re going on a honeymoon, but no I don’t want to sign up for a free trip to be harassed by Sundance Vacations.

No I don’t need a home loan. What are you doing here anyway?

You should know that if I like you, we, as a couple, are much more likely to hire you. Guys have few strong opinions when it comes to the wedding. Those we do have hold much weight.

Wonderful World of Weddings

2009-01-02T18:14:00.004-06:00

The White Box studio will be closed January 3rd. Come and visit us at The Wonderful World of Weddings show at the Wisconsin Expo Center at State Fair Park. Chat with us about your wedding plans, dilemmas and ideas. Also, enter to win a 2-hour consultation with our lead consultant, Monica Gill.

In addition to visiting The White Box, you can also see some of our fabulous White Box members including All-Star Music, Dennis Felber Photography, Scott Patrick Photographer, J.Invites, Indulgence Chocolatiers, and Milwaukee String Quartet.

We look forward to seeing you at the show and helping you with your big day!

Watch our first TV appearance!

2008-12-31T11:25:00.004-06:00

As soon as I'm able, I'll post the actual video clip of yesterday's TV appearance, BUT a few friends have shared this link with me from The Morning Blend website, so if you'd like to watch the segment now, you can view it here.

Recessionista wedding planning tools

2008-12-30T15:21:00.004-06:00

Meghan tells us about her favorite wedding planning tool for the DIY bride: iDo Wedding Planning Software. She swears by this program, so if you have any questions about it, don’t hesitate to leave a comment.

One of the reasons Monica started The White Box was to provide assistance for brides who don’t have the budget to hire a wedding planner. If you’re one of those brides, you should make iDo Wedding Planning Software your new best friend. This software {which can be purchased at The White Box} has saved me so many headaches and we sell it at The White Box for $30! The program offers so many features that it would take me an entire day to describe them all, so I’ll just share a few of my favorites.

In my opinion, iDo’s best feature is the organization of your guests. When I got engaged I had no idea how to even begin my guest list. The software allows you create contacts and invitations to keep your guest list organized. It lets you categorize the relationship of the guest to the bride and groom and whether they are on the A or B list. By a simple click you can sort through your lists so easily. The “contacts” component of the software also shows you how to properly address the envelope and organizes guest RSVPs as they are returned. I’m positive that I couldn’t do that with an Excel spreadsheet.

Another great feature is the budget breakdown. iDO lets you enter in the budgeted amount and the actual amount spent in each category. The best thing about this feature is that it’s all customized. You can change category names and descriptions and add other categories that aren’t listed. It also allows you to schedule payments for vendors and then notifies you when the payment due date is coming.

Other features include timelines, table arrangements, gifts tracking, and guest accommodations. iDo should be the next addition to every bride’s wedding, especially for you DIY brides and recessionistas out there!

Check back next week for tips on selecting bridesmaid dresses, unless you have another topic you’d like me to share. Just leave a comment or send an email to info{at}whiteboxwedding{dot}com.

Our first television appearance tomorrow!

2008-12-29T17:22:00.003-06:00

We (meaning the White Box Team) are pleased to announce that I will be representing The White Box of Wedding Design on The Morning Blend tomorrow morning. The show is viewable across Southeast Wisconsin on TMJ4 and will air (live) from 9:00 to 10:00 AM. I am told my segment will begin at approximately 9:15.

I encourage you to tune in and know that you're hearing my words the moment I speak them. I'm not nervous, but maybe I will be. I get cold when I'm nervous, so if you see me wearing a scarf you'll know what's up.

For my non-Milwaukee readers, and for anyone who won't be able to see the show, I promise to get a clip up on the blog as soon as possible (probably in about a week or two).

Wish me luck! I'll let you know how it goes.

FAQs - How The White Box works

2008-12-27T10:50:00.001-06:00

What follows is a list I've compiled of our most frequently asked questions about how The White Box works. Feel free to add additional questions to the comments section and we'll be happy to answer those as well.

Do I need to make an appointment to visit The White Box?
No. Feel free to come by anytime during studio hours.

Do I need to pay anything to visit and use The White Box resources?
No. No, no, no.

Really?
Yes, really.

Do you get kickbacks from the vendors you refer?
No. If such incentives are offered to us, we ask that they be given to our brides, and our clients enjoy modest discounts from a few of our regular vendors.

I don't understand. How do you make any money? (You know you were wondering!)
The White Box is able to defer some of our expenses through the help of our vendor members. White Box Members pay a flat, nominal fee to be represented in our studio annually. These vendors recognize their involvement with The White Box as a new, nontraditional way to get in front of potential brides.

In no way do our member contributions cover the expenses of running a studio. One of the reasons The White Box works is that it allows us to meet you and introduce you to the way we do things. We're so confident you'll have a great experience at The White Box that we're certain you'll think of us if and when you have need for our wedding planning, design, or management services.

Wait... so any vendor can just pay to put a portfolio at The White Box and you'll refer them?
No. Vendors must be formally invited to become a White Box Member. White Box Memberships are offered only to local professionals with outstanding service, quality, and aesthetic.

Wouldn't it be easier to just research vendors online?
The White Box allows you to tap into our network of fabulous wedding professionals. Why spend hours weeding through so many mediocre vendors when we've already done the work for you? White Box Consultants are like matchmakers. We can help you find the perfect professional to meet your needs and explain what to expect in the process.

Are you going to try to make me hire you or give me a sales pitch?
No. We hate that as much as you do. We know not every bride wants to hire a wedding planner, but every bride is planning a wedding. The White Box was designed to serve all brides.

Why should I come to The White Box when I can get ideas on the web?
We'll be the first to tell you that the internet is a great resource for inspiring design ideas, and we know bunches of great sites and blogs to recommend to visiting brides. Some of our visitors have seen an idea in a magazine, but want to know if it's achievable within their budget, during their wedding season, or at their venue. Some want to know where they can find a bracelet like the one in a picture they've been toting around or whether a local florist can do the centerpiece they love. We have answers to those questions.

Quite frankly, sometimes it's just helpful to share your ideas with a neutral party (i.e. NOT your groom, mom, or sister) and we're always happy to weigh in on a design or planning dilemma.

Can I work on my inspiration board at The White Box?
Absolutely! We have an area just for such projects, including many wedding and fashion magazines and catalogs that can be clipped to your heart's content. We don't have a huge space, but if you'd like to bring a little activity with you, go ahead. Then when you have a question ("How do I address an invitation to my divorced aunt and her unknown guest?") you'll be able to get an answer, if not directly from us, from our library of resources.

But it's cold and snowy outside. And my girlfriends don't want to come with me. And downtown is confusing. And I won't know where to park....

If the service wasn't free, I'd guarantee your satisfaction or give you your money back. If you're still nervous or suspicious about how The White Box works, I invite you to call THE WHITE LINE at 414-763-7536 with your planning questions. THE WHITE LINE was created to answer individual questions about weddings and wedding planning and provide vendor referrals over the phone. Feel free to use this complimentary service as often as you need.

We look forward to serving you!

Dreaming of a White Box Christmas

2008-12-24T23:56:00.004-06:00

A few shots of our holiday studio, in celebration of the Savior's birth...

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Snow Day Studio Closing

2008-12-18T21:58:00.002-06:00

It looks like everyone is getting all excited about the impending snow storm, so we've decided to join the rest of the city and declare a snow day tomorrow. The White Box will be closed tomorrow, Friday the 19th, because even if we brave a foot of snow to come to the studio and sit around by ourselves, we certainly don't want to shovel our cars out to go home six hours later.

Put on some warm pajamas and enjoy!

The White Box goes brunette

2008-12-18T14:58:00.006-06:00

Hello, lovelies!

After a bit of harassment from a few blogger friends after this post revealing myself as a former brunette, I continued the ongoing contemplation of whether blondes really do have more fun.

I spent the latter half of my high school years as a blonde. Then I turned all artsy-theatre-girl in college and went back to brown...

And, for West Side Story, went VERY brown...

CFO married a brunette...And then a few highlights quickly brought me back to the blonde you know and love. :-) But I didn't mind. I came to the conclusion that blondes are more approachable, and that would be good for business, right? Besides, I like being blonde.

Well, dear readers. I did something crazy last week.

I have returned to the world of brunettes. I can't say I'm in love with it. There's no skimping on makeup anymore, that's for sure. And I still think brunettes are more intimidating than blondes. I guess we'll see.

Here's what finally sold me to the other side:

I came across this image on Classic Bride a number of weeks ago and it made me want to be a brunette, because really, the brunette looks WAY better than the blonde. I realized it's probably because the blonde looks like she's about to fall and twist her ankle, but I didn't care. This photo made me believe that being blonde is overrated.

So here I sit, wondering how long the new look will last. I hate to be one of those women who can't decide on a hair color, but I guess that's exactly who I am. Therefore, I defer to you, dear readers.

What do you think? Am I welcome in the world of brunettes or should I stick with the blonde?

Victoria's Friday Wedding

2008-12-17T16:27:00.006-06:00

As long as we're talking about recessionistas who love Friday weddings, I believe it's high time we shared some images from Victoria's wedding. The day meant losing my much-loved assistant and friend to her new husband in Michigan, but it brought me much joy to witness their union.

Date: Friday, September 19, 2008
Ceremony: Old St. Mary's
Reception: Hotel Metro "Zen on 7"
Photography: Calfa of Front Room
Flowers: La Tulipe

Victoria with her lovely sister and maid of honor, Natalie, whom you may have seen in other White Box adventures.

The bride opted to wear ballet slippers under her gorgeous gown. You can see her toe peeking out below.

CFO has served as an event manager for a number of weddings, but this time he played the role of Best Man.

One of the last shots of the evening on the roof of Hotel Metro.

Why Recessionistas love Friday weddings

2008-12-16T17:21:00.004-06:00

Meghan explains why she chose to have her wedding on a Friday.

Contemplating a Friday wedding? At first I was a little uneasy about the idea, but I’ve since realized the many advantages.

An obvious advantage of a Friday wedding is cost. Most venues and vendors offer a discount for non-Saturday events. The reception venue we are using, Windwood Country Club, offers a 50% discount for non-Saturday room rentals. This was a great relief for our budget and allows us to spend money elsewhere. I’ve also discovered that venues aren’t the only vendors that offer a Friday discount; some photographers and DJs do as well. It’s a great thing to consider when searching for vendors. And remember, don’t be afraid to ask about any discounts.

Another Friday perk is availability. Saturday weddings are still the norm and vendors’ calendars fill up fast. Having a Friday wedding gives you the best chance of getting your preferred vendors and also allows more time to find those vendors (Milwaukee Brides: A trip to The White Box will simplify this process immensely). The planning process has been less stressful on Stylist and me knowing that we can take a little more time to decide and select exactly what we want for our day.

A third reason to consider a Friday wedding relates to event setup. Since venues are far less likely to have an event on a Thursday, having a Friday wedding means you may be able to set up your space the day before. This is great if you have DIY centerpieces or place cards that require labor-intensive installation. In addition, some rentals companies may be able to offer a discount on deliveries if they are given more flexibility.

If you’re thinking about a Friday wedding, there are a few other things to consider. Timing is the most important element. Make sure that your ceremony is at a convenient time so that guests aren’t obligated to take a full day of work off to be a part of your day. This will allow more people to attend and guests won’t need to choose between your ceremony and their job. Another thing to consider is whether children will be in attendance. The schedule for Friday weddings is much tighter than a Saturday and probably won’t allow much time between the ceremony and reception. This can be difficult for children and could potentially make for an unpleasant dinner and reception.

What do you think? Are you having a Friday wedding? Why or why not? If a Friday wedding is a possibility for you, I say go for it. It’s been less stressful for me overall, and it’s a great way to set the tone of doing something a little bit different for your big day.

Next week I’ll share my lifesaving {and favorite} wedding planning tool!

A day in the life: A wedding photographer

2008-12-13T15:15:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to shadow Molly Michel of Mthree Studio. Aside from my experiences as a bride, bridesmaid, and guest, shadowing Molly was my first time attending a wedding without wearing my planner hat. I played the role of Molly's assistant, which involved carrying a bag full of goodies and holding the occasional bounce or lens. I also made an effort to snap the occasional candid with my point&shoot so I could share a few images with you.

First, things I learned about being a [successful] wedding photographer:

1. You need to be extremely organized. This may not necessarily translate into pages and pages of notes, but a wedding photographer must be mentally organized. I know Molly, and I know how professional and organized she is, but I really had no idea how much she puts into preparing for a wedding day.

2. Having a non-shooting assistant is a huge help. Brides, this is a great perk to look for in your wedding photographer. At the end of the ceremony, just before the recessional, I saw Molly standing at the back of the chapel and she held her lens up in the air. I quickly made my way over and snatched it up, freeing her to capture the bridal party without having to worry about setting her lens somewhere. Later, we took photos outside with the bridal party. Molly, who knew it would be dark by the time bridal party photos rolled around, had come prepared with a deer light (for you California Girls, that is pretty much a hand-held spotlight) which I shone on a bounce to get some soft light amidst the blackness outside.

As Molly's assistant, I carried a black shoulder bag containing a small sampling of the sorts of things you'll find in our emergency kit at The White Box, including granola bars, mints, a mini first-aid kit, hair clips/bands, and a mini clip-board containing a timeline of the day, the bride's photo requests, and family photo groupings listing the name of each individual and his or her relationship to the bride and groom. That organizational part I wrote about above? It was clearly seen in the contents of my little bag.

3. If you have a shooting style that requires you to provide your subjects with a bit of direction at times, you'd best have a fun personality. You're spending a lot of time with the bridal party, especially during the intimate "getting ready" portion of the day. If Molly had been a drag, the getting-ready time would have dragged. It's that simple.

4. If there is no wedding day manager, you will find yourself trying to make up for it. Trust me, there were moments when it took everything in me to keep from taking control of a situation, instead of just being a photo assistant. Molly is really great at stepping in when necessary without treading on anyone's toes. As a wedding photographer, she wants to make sure the day looks great for her brides, but I can see how it could get frustrating when she can only do so much. And even if the couple didn't mind her taking charge, her primary concern is capturing the day, not making sure your ceremony starts on time and the musicians are properly cued.

5. If you don't pose every shot, or if your creative eye leads you to do something different and daring, some people will think you're not doing your job correctly. Everyone has his or her own idea of what a wedding photographer looks like and how he or she should act. I'm sure some people take one look at Molly looking fab in her dress and heels and think, "She's the photographer?" A couple of people asked if we were friends of the bride. Apparently a wedding photographer is supposed to be a man in a suit with a giant flash on his camera, a portable backdrop, and two huge studio lights. Trust me, though, the dress and heels do not limit her.

6. As unobtrusive as you may be, you still need to look good, because everyone will still look at you and talk about you ("Ooh, look! There's the photographer."). It's kind of weird, so be prepared. Being "unobtrusive" does not give you an excuse to wear sweatpants and no makeup.

7. If you're gonna rock high heels (which you all know is my preference), you'd better own them, meaning, you'd better be able to run in them. Molly's pageant days have trained her well. That's all I'm going to say about that.

8. You need to be prepared for anything, and be willing and able to adapt to any situation quickly. If the space you're shooting in isn't exactly what you had envisioned or the layout is different than you had been told, there is no time to freak out about it. You can't stop the ceremony and say, "Hey bride, your veil is blocking your face." You are many times powerless when it comes to changing the situation, but it is still your job is to make the best of it.

Now, allow me to present my documentary of the day...

We arrive at the hotel and meet the mother-of-the-bride in her room. Molly requests the bride's accessories and, without bothering to pause to remove her coat, immediately gets to work.

The bride and groom were getting ready in adjacent rooms, which, after experiencing what a dream this was from a photography standpoint, I would encourage any bride to arrange if possible.

The bride slipped into her dress at the ceremony site in a closet-sized room full of about a dozen women. This was one of those "make the best of your situation" times. It's a good thing Molly is fit and agile, because otherwise I don't think the images in this space would have been possible. She was able to use the mirrors in the room to get some good shots I think. It was the only way I was able to get a shot of her, too.

Molly didn't think twice about getting down on the ground in her dress and heels in the freezing cold for a beautiful shot.

I was able to score an image of Molly with Amber, the lovely bride, blurry as it may be.

Brides, if your church has a balcony, you are in luck.

More evidence of agility. I wish I had an image of Molly on her knees in the middle of the crowded dance floor capturing her subjects from below.

This guy was somehow able to sweet-talk Molly into letting him try her camera.

He ran over to take a picture of the bride and groom while we supervised.

Molly's response.

Huddled in the corner, I held a video light over this arrangement while Molly took some clever images of the rings.

Setting up another ring shot, Molly accidentally dropped her lens down the stairwell. Not knowing exactly how much of a crisis this was, I assumed the worst and looked at her in horror. Molly didn't miss a beat. She calmly asked me to retrieve the lens--all parts of it--and she simply took a replacement from the collection she had stashed upon arrival. I shouldn't have been surprised.

Molly and her "assistant" after a job well done. Someone asked if we were sisters. I don't see it, but I didn't mind. :-)

Because Molly is an active blogger, you can see her report on the wedding day here. Thanks for letting me tag along, Molly, and for giving me a little bit of insight into your life as a wedding photographer.

A day in the life of a wedding professional

2008-12-12T14:17:00.007-06:00

Being a relatively new wedding planner on the Milwaukee scene, I have made much of my success by maintaining a servant-hearted attitude (did you notice the humility there? :-)). But seriously, I approach my work with other vendors as though we are a team working toward the same end: A fabulous wedding and a happy bride, because really, that's all there is to it.

As the captain of this team, I try to have realistic expectations when it comes to other vendors and the services they provide, and to help the bride understand these as well. However, sometimes it can be difficult to appreciate another vendor's role when you've never experienced a wedding from their perspective. I have found that the best way to determine what you can reasonably expect from another person is to experience life as they know it.

Though as the event manager I see a lot of behind-the-scenes work, I never get to watch the cake designers load up their treats for delivery or appreciate a photographer's approach to "getting-ready" photos. I see the production company setting up the lighting, but I can't fully appreciate their work when I don't know about the problems they encounter (and overcome) along they way.

Today begins the first of many future posts on experiencing a wedding day as vendor. Since winter is our slow season when it comes to actual wedding days, I have arranged to spend my Saturdays shadowing some of our vendors to experience weddings from a different perspective. Through this series, I hope give my readers a deeper appreciation for their vendors.

Check back later this evening for a report on my first day-in-the-life adventure with Molly of Mthree Studio.

The White Box on top

2008-12-11T21:14:00.005-06:00

Bespoke is pleased to have been added as a wedding resource on Alltop. Branded as an "online magazine rack" of popular topics, browsing Alltop is an easy way to find great resources on a all topics. Next time you're searching for wedding inspiration, consider skipping the Google search and check out out Alltop's fabulous resources here.

How a recessionista chooses a wedding photographer

2008-12-09T18:07:00.003-06:00

Meghan shares her thoughts on her biggest wedding-day priority: Photography.

This week’s recessionista agenda involves photography. This post won’t bring you much money-saving advice, but rather the idea of prioritizing your budget and hiring great vendors. As I mentioned earlier, Stylist and I feel that photography is the most important aspect of our wedding day. We want to be able to look back on our images and remember all the great memories that day brought us. With that said, we hired a photographer I’ve loved from the moment I began working at The White Box (whose identity will be revealed in a future post).

Monica shared her advice about finding the right photographer in these posts. When hiring a great photographer, there are a few things to keep in mind. First of all, it’s really important that your personalities mesh. Monica is constantly telling brides how important it is to love both your planner and your photographer because you will see and interact with them more than anyone else on your wedding day. If during your initial consultation, your potential photographer is popping his gum or has a laugh that reminds you of your ex-boyfriend’s, you may want to consider other candidates.

Once you’ve found your perfect match, there are a few things you can do to get the most bang for your buck. Now please, don’t start thinking of ways you can take advantage of your photographer -- that’s not what I mean. What I do mean is that you should be organized and create a logical schedule for your day (this is where an experienced wedding planner can be really helpful). If you can only afford a six-hour package, create a timeline that will get the most photographs of your day. You may need to cut out “getting ready” photos and take formal portraits before your ceremony, but it will be worth it. While seeing your groom before the ceremony may be a nontraditional choice, you’ll find your day will likely flow better from a photography standpoint if you’re willing to have a “first look” instead. A first look can use up “empty” time in your timeline and also ease some of those pre-wedding jitters. And yes, if you’re wondering Stylist and I will be staging a first look for photography purposes (and Monica did too!) Still not convinced? Check out this series by Saundra of Planning…Forever Events.

Remember, recessionistas, even if your budget for photography is small, that doesn’t necessarily mean you need to compromise service or style. Many photographers offer smaller packages to accommodate various budgets. Milwaukee brides: If you need help finding these photographers, be sure to stop by The White Box or call THE WHITE LINE for fabulous recommendations!

Come back next Tuesday for advantages of a Friday wedding!

Help a bride find THE dress

2008-12-04T09:18:00.003-06:00

I have a challenge for you, dear readers. I have a bride who is crazy about this gown:

She loves the pleats, the layers of this Marchesa beauty -- and who doesn't?? She would "DIE DIE DIE" if she could get a white version for her wedding (actually, she'd probably take it in just about any color at this point).

There is a catch --well, two catches:

1. The budget is $1,000-$2,000 (Recessionistas! I need you!!)

2. The wedding is in June.

Any ideas?? Places to look, designers to research, or similar gowns to consider? Feel free to post a comment here or email info{at}whiteboxwedding{dot}com.

{Image Credit}

Recessionista floral planning

2008-12-02T17:00:00.008-06:00

A non-flowery Meghan shares her thoughts on navigating through the world of wedding flowers on a budget.

Today’s post is all about flowers…or a lack thereof for that matter. From what I’ve seen, most brides feel the need to have flowers. That’s great if flowers are important to you, but if you’re not a “flower” person, don’t feel like you need to have them everywhere at your wedding.

When I think of wedding flowers, I think of tall, skyscraping centerpieces and huge lush bouquets -- not my style. I am approaching my centerpiece design in a nontraditional manner with all non-floral elements, because not only are flowers not really my style, but they also aren’t in my budget. Certainly you can find inexpensive ways to incorporate floral centerpieces, but the arrangements I prefer are $125-$300 apiece, and I can’t spend that much on one table decoration; I just can’t. The money needs to go where it can make the greatest impact and satisfy my other priorities.

If you’re not that into flowers (or you just can’t afford them), you really need to be open-minded and get the gears turning. What else can the bridesmaids carry down the aisle? How else can honored guests be distinguished? What else can go in the middle of a table? Do the gentlemen need a flower attached to their lapel?

I haven’t shared much about my wedding yet, but I am going to spill some of my décor ideas right now so every other recessionista can start thinking outside the box, or, as we like to say… inside The White Box!

I’ll start with centerpieces. I am using bunches of candles to create ambiance and a beautiful dinner table. As Monica mentioned in this post, we at The White Box subscribe to the idea that, when it comes down to it, tabletops are meant for eating on. My table décor will not take away from the fantastic meal we are going to serve our guests. Monica and I have often discussed the obnoxious linens, over-full tables, and tall floral centerpieces that interfere with the enjoyment of dinner and conversation, and I will have none of that.

Another place where you won’t see flowers at my wedding is in the bridesmaids’ hands. {Gasp!} No bouquets for these girls. Though I plan to carry a bouquet of black mini calla lilies and cymbidium orchids, my bridesmaids are carrying pretty satin clutches instead. The champagne clutches will don chocolate orchids to coordinate with (but not match) their black and brown dresses. If you need a visual to love the idea check out the tablescape The White Box designed for the latest issue of Bride and Bloom here.

Next come boutonnieres. The groomsmen, including Stylist, are just not wearing them. Stylist and I wonder why guys feel the need to wear flowers on special occasions.

Now that I have been so completely pessimistic about flowers, I want to clarify a few things. Flowers will have a place at my wedding, but just not in the traditional way. We are adding a few dramatic “wow-factor” arrangements to our reception, including a manzanita on our head table, pomander balls above the bar, and a beautiful orb arrangement for the piano. These arrangements fit well into our budget and will be just as beautiful and effective as skyscraping centerpieces. Does anyone else have any ideas for saving money by using flowers in nontraditional ways?

If you need to cut the budget somewhere and flowers aren’t important to you, then consider using them in unconventional ways as I plan to do. You will save money and have a great time coming up with new ideas!

Check back next week for a recessionista-bride's perspective on photography.

How to make a strapless gown work for you

2008-11-29T10:54:00.009-06:00

{Image Credit}

Call me prude, but after seeing some "wedding" blog posts lately, I feel it necessary to say that this post is intended for my female readers. Guys, you have been warned.

This week's Style Saturday post is inspired by the following email I received from one of our photographers:

Can you do a blog post on how to have a strapless dress properly fitted? Editing shots of bridesmaids with smooshed down boobs is annoying me. It doesn't have to be ultra tight and flatten you out to fit properly and not fall down. Geesh!

Let me start by saying that I really do love strapless gowns in theory. IN THEORY, the strapless gown should be the picture of formal elegance (does anyone else think of Audrey Hepburn in Sabrina?) IN THEORY, not only should any woman wearing a strapless gown have flawless posture, she should never have to yank her gown up in order to maintain it.

I don't really need to say that what I have just described is pretty unusual. It can be tough to find the line between "can't breathe" and "can't stay up."

First of all, let it be known that I do not have any tips for avoiding that bulge created by the crease of your underarm, so if you don't have well-toned arms, particularly in that spot where your underarm meets your torso, you may want to reconsider the strapless dress.

That being said, here's how to make a strapless gown work for you:

When selecting a strapless gown, look for boning in the bodice. "Boning" is the term used for rigid vertical supports in corsets and bustiers (originally these supports were actually made from whale bone). You shouldn't actually be able to see these supports--they will be tucked in between the layers of fabric. You also shouldn't be able to see the outline of any boning when the gown is on.

Avoid preformed bodices. Every gown will have a natural shape to form the curves of its wearer, but those that have severely stiff preformed bodices are risky. It's also kind of creepy when a bride leans over to one side and the bodice of her gown stays put.

If your dress does not have cups and boning, a great-fitting boustier (long-line bra) is a requirement. This will sound pretentious, but go somewhere fancy and get fitted for one. Victoria's Secret isn't going to cut it this time. (If you're in Southeast Wisconsin, call THE WHITE LINE for referrals.) I won't lie to you, it will be an investment, but you must resist the urge to wear your $40 Gap strapless bra with your formal gown.

Find a great seamstress, not just your mom's friend or the lady who hems your pants (Mke brides, call THE WHITE LINE). Be sure to wear your bustier for your fittings.

When getting into your dress, lean forward and scoop yourself into place before zipping (or lacing) all the way up. This will help avoid being "smooshed."

Stand up straight! This is important during your fitting and on the big day. Hunching over in your gown will make your chest collapse and your dress will collapse with it. You should feel like you're sticking your chest out, but not like you're filling your lungs with air (I feel a YouTube video coming...).

Final Note: Never in all of eternity is it ever appropriate to wear "invisible" (read: plastic) straps on your wedding gown (or ever, really). And just in case you're wondering if I'm being over-dramatic by supposing that someone might, check out this forum.

Some women will avoid the strapless dress altogether, which may very well be the wisest thing to do. What do you think? Did you or will you wear a strapless gown? Do you have any advice to share?

For Milwaukee Brides: Wedding Planning 101

2008-11-28T17:08:00.003-06:00

The bliss of engagement quickly becomes a sea of vendor proposals, contracts, timelines, and to-do lists. You'll find a variety of planning tools, blogs (see our favorites on the left), and magazines to help you through the process, but all of this can be overwhelming if you don't know where to start. It's enough to drive any woman insane.

I'm here to tell you that I've been there. And I want to help.

The White Box of Wedding Design invites brides to spend an evening at our studio for our monthly WEDDING PLANNING 101 seminar.

WEDDING PLANNING 101 will prepare you to:

Define your (and your family's) expectations.
Set priorities and create a wedding planning itinerary.
Assemble a guest list.
Outline a budget.
Know when to ask for help and how to get it.

You'll also learn the "why" behind the "what" on your to-do list.

WEDDING PLANNING 101 is held every month at The White Box Studio. The next WEDDING PLANNING 101 seminar will be Thursday, December 4, 2008 from 7:00-8:30 PM at The White Box Studio (522 North Water Street, Suite 202).

Admission is $20 per person. Advance registration is required. Call the studio at 414-763-7480, or email info@whiteboxwedding.com if you want to come.

The reason for thanks

2008-11-27T09:40:00.006-06:00

[image credit]

Today as I finish my final Thanksgiving dishes and enjoy a meal with family and friends, I will be reflecting on the same things that William Bradford shared in his recorded experience as governor of that early Massachusetts colony.

As a business-owner and lover of The United States of America, I am thankful for God's providence so clearly seen in Bradford's writings. I am thankful for the independent thinking of the Pilgrims under the direction of their governor. I am thankful for the free-market economy that resulted from their independence, and for the opportunity to succeed. I am thankful for life and liberty, for my freedom of religion, press, petition, and assembly. I am thankful for my readers, but more importantly, I am thankful for the freedom of speech that allows me to write. And I am thankful for the courage and faithfulness of the early settlers, the founders and framers, and the God-fearing leaders of this great nation that have valued these freedoms as much as I do.

What's your story? : Another reason to buy a sample wedding gown

2008-11-26T22:46:00.002-06:00

Yesterday, Meghan shared some great perks of buying a sample wedding gown. It’s true that the samples available for sale are usually past-season gowns that designers no longer feature. Some brides would never consider a sample gown for that reason – they want to have the latest and greatest.

When searching for a dress for my own wedding, I fell head-over-heels for THE Monique Lhuillier of the season. I tried it on, loved it, and determined that I could make it work with my budget.

Fast forward a couple months, and I found myself buying a less-popular Romona Keveza sample gown.

What happened here??

As gorgeous as the Monique was (and let me tell you, I looked pretty fab in it), I was starting to see it everywhere. It became the “it” dress. And the more I thought about it, I realized that I didn’t want a gown that “everyone else” had or wanted.

A friend of mine bought a signature gown of sorts – a beautiful Melissa Sweet that I also swooned over as I planned my own wedding. This gown was definitely the right fit for her and she looked fantastic. But recently, she described the unsettling feeling of viewing unflattering wedding photos of a bride wearing the same beautiful Melissa Sweet gown.

It is unrealistic to expect that you’ll never see another bride in your designer wedding gown (or at least a knockoff version). But when buying a past-season gown (like those you’ll find at sample sales), you’ll already know how popular it has been.

I get that some brides want a brand-new, made-to-order, in-season gown, and eagerly await the debut of the latest collections. But remember that when you buy one of these wedding gowns, you’re buying a dress with no story [yet].

Every gown will develop a story once it has its chance to shine. It will be praised and criticized; it will make its way across the pages of bridal magazines and wedding blogs; it will be considered by women across the world. When you pick out a this-season style, remember that the design you’re looking at has yet to finish its story. You don’t know what will happen with it – where it will go, how popular it will be, and who will wear it. What if this gown you love finds its way onto the cover of BRIDES? Will you still want it then? What if some celebrity you can’t stand decides to make your dress HER dress and she becomes an icon in it? Do you really want to take that chance? Do you want to wear YOUR dress or the dress that so-and-so-in-Hollywood wore?

Perhaps you’re willing to take that chance, and I certainly can’t blame all those brides who chose the Monique Lhuillier I loved. But this may be just another reason to consider a well-seasoned sample gown. Story written. Bride-approved.

The Recessionista buys a wedding gown

2008-11-25T16:36:00.003-06:00

My assistant, Meghan, shares her experience shopping for a wedding gown on a budget.

As I promised, in the next couple weeks I will be doing a budget breakdown for the recessionista bride. This week I am touching on one of the most exciting parts of your wedding, the dress! For me personally, I had the goal of purchasing my dress, shoes, veil and accessories all under $1,000. No it’s not crazy, it’s budget-savvy.

Ladies, believe it or not, you can have that designer dress on a budget. It’s called a Sample Sale, and it’s absolutely genius. Bridal shops sell dresses that were used as samples for a discounted price that could be up to 70% off. Yes, these dresses were tried on by other women, but many are in great shape and you’d never know that they were samples.

While these sales are great, there are a few things to consider when shopping for a sample wedding dress. Many bridal shops do not offer a payment plan on dresses that aren’t special ordered so you may need to be prepared to pay for the dress in full that day. You should also be prepared to make a decision quickly, because the off-the-rack sample gown you fall in love with today may be snatched up by tomorrow. There are no returns, so make sure you inspect it carefully for stains and snags. Also, most bridal shops will not store a sample dress for you, so you must take the dress when you purchase it.

A number of bridal salons, including Southeast Wisonsin’s Gigi of Mequon, always have a collection of sample gowns for sale. Below are a few other Milwaukee-area bridal shops that are offering sample sales in the next few weeks:

Premier Couture in Madison is offering 60% off of their Justina McCaffrey samples.

Stone Manor Bridal is offering a sample sale starting November 26 and running through November 29.

Kay Bridal Shop is offering 25%-50% off of sample gowns and also has select gowns from $99 starting December 1 and running through December 31.

So now you are probably wondering if I purchased a sample wedding gown, and yes I did {and Monica too!}. I bought my wedding dress one week ago from Vera’s House of Bridals and it was 50% off! They actually let me wonder through the back room and pull exactly what I wanted to try on. It was a lovely experience, and I think every bride on a budget should check out at least one sample sale.

As much as I’d love to describe my dress for all of you, I can’t. Stylist reads the blog and I’d hate for him not to be surprised, but I promise in 318 days I will have many photos to share!

Next week, I’ll share a recessionista-bride’s take on flowers!

From The White Line: Getting ordained online

2008-11-19T16:43:00.000-06:00

You've heard about getting ordained online, but can it really be done? And if so, how exactly does it work?

Amy, a bride, called THE WHITE LINE a number of days ago asking these questions. She wants her good friend to perform her wedding ceremony.

Well, the rumors are true. It can be done. And The Universal Life Church has made it possible. If you (or a friend) are interested in becoming ordained, visit The Universal Life Church Monastery online. Anyone (meeting a few simple requirements) can be legally ordained online for free through this and other Universal Life Church websites. A formal record of ordination is kept for life.

A few of my own thoughts on this process...

1. Anyone getting ordained in any way should seriously consider his or her motivation. I'm not a huge fan of online ordinations for a few reasons, but I can understand why some people would want a close friend to perform their ceremony, and this provides a way for them to do that. One of my concerns with online ordinations is that it tends to trivialize the process. I believe marriage is a sacred institution, and that anyone who wants to perform a marriage ceremony has a great responsibility before God. I just ask that the process not be taken lightly.

2. If you're unfamiliar with the policies of your religion or ceremony venue (church, etc.), educate yourself. Some religions and Christian denominations will not allow ceremonies to take place outside the church, nor will they allow them to be performed by your newly-ordained friend.

3. Not all states recognize online ordination and may require that your officiant provide additional documentation or meet other qualifications. If you're considering asking a friend to become ordained and perform your marriage ceremony, check with your county clerk's office first.

The following information applies to brides getting married in Milwaukee County. This is one of those times that non-Milwaukee brides will wish they had a "White Box." :-)

If your online-ordained friend is a Wisconsin resident, no additional documentation is required to "prove" that he or she is qualified to perform the ceremony. He or she may conduct your wedding, declare you man and wife, and sign your marriage document. The end. And it will all be legal.
If this person is an out-of-state resident, a letter of referral (or "sponsorship") is required from a church or officiant in Wisconsin to make it legitimate.

If you have any questions about this process, you can call The White Line at 414-763-7536, or you may contact the Milwaukee County Clerk's office directly at 414-278-4067.

Meghan's Debut

2008-11-18T16:22:00.004-06:00

Today is the blogging debut of The White Box resident bride and associate, Meghan. You'll be hearing from her regularly as she [and I] plan her fabulous wedding while staying within her chosen budget limitations. Welcome to Bespoke, Meghan!

As Monica introduced last week, I like to consider myself a recessionista bride. I am not necessarily a recessionista due to the poor economy {even though that plays a slight role} but rather that I enjoy the challenge of having a fabulous wedding for less.

Weddings don’t need to have tall floral centerpieces, a five tiered cake, or an ice sculpture, if the budget or style doesn’t support that. I assume many brides feel obligated to spend a certain amount of money on their wedding because of the stereotype of what a “typical” wedding is and they shouldn’t.

When I began planning our budget and overall design scheme of our wedding I had the exact opposite approach. My best advice for a recessionista is to prioritize. Decide what both of you need to have and don’t skimp on it and remember you can cut money from another not so important category easily. For me and Stylist {if you’re confused about who Stylist is read this}, photography and entertainment are most important and that is where we are spending the most money.

Throughout my planning process {the next 325 days} I’ll be stopping by Bespoke to share more from my experience as a recessionista bride. Next week, I’ll share a more detailed overview of my budget and how we plan to get the most from our wedding dollars.

Style Saturday: On high heels

2008-11-15T17:43:00.002-06:00

Anyone who knows me knows I love my stilettos. What is it that is so alluring about propping a woman on the ball of her foot with a four-inch stick? Whatever it is has captured the attention of men and invaded the closets of women since the 1950s.

Some women rarely, if ever, wear heels (which makes me wonder if they have ever seen the difference they’d make in their calves!). These are women far wiser than I, for they have happy backs and pretty toes to show off. However, a number of them will slip into a pair for “special occasions,” like…oh, I don’t know…a wedding. Can I please say right now that your wedding, graduation, or other occasion that requires you to be fabulous is probably not the time to bust out the stilettos if you’re not used to wearing them? A few will make the transition gracefully, thanks to dance training or perhaps just a natural gift. The rest, including some who wear heels often, will glide around with as much grace as a Mac truck.

My feet were ruined long ago with childhood adventures in dance and kickboxing (yes, kickboxing), and my chiropractor shakes his head every time he hears me clacking into his office. But believe me when I say I’ve got the walk down. I have a thing about walks. A person’s walk is one of the first things I notice, and I believe it speaks volumes of their security, joy, and overall presence. And let me tell you, having the shoes with no walk is like having a brand-new BMW with no gas. Pretty lame.

I’ve attended a few [admittedly amateur] fashion shows in this city, and the models’ lack of ability to strut their stuff in a pair of stilettos never ceases to amaze me (ask CFO, it’s hard for me to stay contained).

There is a scene in Ocean’s 11 that comes to mind here. Julia Roberts is coming down the stairs at The Bellagio (supposedly, but I have explored that hotel up and down and can’t find that staircase anywhere). Matt Damon’s character describes it as the “best part” of his day, and I simply can’t imagine why, because watching her walk in her high heels is painful. I wish I had a clip of this to share so you could see exactly what I mean, but if you’re familiar with the scene, pay attention to it next time.

As tempted as I am to create a video in my empty studio to demonstrate how not to walk in heels, I shall refrain, lest you think me too sassy. I write to you, dear readers, not to poke fun, but in an effort to help all women be fabulous.

It seems reasonable to assume that every woman will put on a pair of heels at least once in her life. I could try to explain how to walk in them – to actually put weight on the heel of your foot and do the heel-toe thing, to roll forward onto the tip of your toe before picking up your foot, to let your hips, not your shoulders, compensate for the shift – but I think the best way to know whether you’ve got it or not is to watch yourself in the mirror (or better yet, a video). Practice. Practice until you can get it right. Watch runway and practice some more. It sounds weird, but you know what? You’ll be glad you did it. It will change your presence at a cocktail party.

A note for brides: If there is one day in your life where you can get away with NOT wearing high heels on a special occasion, it’s your wedding. Not only are you allowed to do things your way, but (if you’re going the classic poofy-dress route) it’s the only time your toes won’t be seen. So if those Christian Louboutins are a bit too intimidating, forget them. No matter how wedding styles evolve, I don’t know one woman who doesn’t want to be at her best on that very special day. Do whatever makes you feel [and look] like the most beautiful woman in the world.

Poor brideside manner

2008-11-14T18:03:00.004-06:00

I’ve seen examples of awful brideside manner from too many wedding vendors – sometimes in the most surprising situations from those with great reputations. What follows is a short list of a few benchmarks of poor brideside manner, with some real-life examples from my own experience. Brides, have you seen any of this behavior from your potential vendors?

Forgetting major details concerning the bride’s day, including, but not limited to the groom’s name, the wedding date, the venue, the services the offender is contracted to provide, and anything the bride said five minutes ago. This is most relevant to those vendors working with the bride though the planning process, not the baker who takes your order and delivers your cake without speaking to you again. Brides, if you’re calling your videographer out of the blue nine months before your wedding, don’t expect that they will remember all these things the moment they hear your voice, but if it’s the week before your wedding (or your wedding day!) they should be ready with this information.

Example: One DJ left me a message the day before a wedding day management client’s wedding. I had already confirmed details with the owner of the company and had left messages with the individual who was handling the event. The morning of the wedding I arrived at the Studio and discovered a message left late the night before, saying “Hi, uh, I’m supposed to call someone about a wedding I’m doing tomorrow in… uh… Milwaukee I think…” I was just glad the bride wasn’t the recipient of that message.

Being a drama queen. The Wedding Industry seems to attract a lot of these. Weddings bring great potential for drama with emotions running high, many personalities in one space (sometimes working on one project), large amounts of personal savings being spent, and the fact that everyone involved has one chance at making this day “perfect.” Sometimes, setting up a reception venue reminds me of my theatre days in the worst way. It never helps anyone or anything when a vendor gets overdramatic on a wedding day, unless “Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?” is following them around with a camera. Brides should never see their vendors frustrated, flustered, or flipping out.

Example: One manager of a highly reputable Downtown Milwaukee venue was unbelievably overdramatic with our shared bride: warm and kind one day and freaking out the next. She called the bride on her cell phone at least three times the morning of the wedding! I kid you not. And her calls were about the most ridiculous little things! I was with the bride when this was happening, and she gave me her phone saying she just couldn’t deal with all the drama anymore.

Loafing around on the wedding day. I don’t know how else to explain it, but it’s basically the opposite of the overdramatic vendors bopping around all over the place. I’ve seen photographers and videographers lounging (as in, reclining) on couches and lounge furniture (NOT anyone we recommend, FYI). Everyone should be on top of their game on a wedding day, eager to serve and trying their hardest to make the event as perfect as possible. Anything less can suck the positive energy right out of the room.

Example: One photographer I worked with on a wedding day management event (notice how many of these situations happen with wedding day management vendors?) was constantly sitting down. I wondered if she was sick or possibly expecting, but whether or not she was does not excuse her rude comments every time one of my staff would have to fetch her for a photo. She received copies of the production schedule, just like all our vendors do, and yet she remained decidedly clueless and selfish.

Engaging in behavior that may be considered rude or offensive. This includes use of crass language, the name of God, slang, crude humor, and gossip, as well as habits like inappropriate table behavior and smoke breaks. No explanation should be necessary.

Example: Many. As soon as I hear a vendor use a four-letter word in a professional setting, it’s pretty safe to say we probably won’t hit it off.

Feel free to share your own encounters with brideside manners (or lack thereof).

Back on track

2008-11-13T13:24:00.003-06:00

Hello, lovelies!

We're back in the swing of things here at The Box. We are in the process of putting the final touches of our newly-revised website, but I simply couldn't resist sharing the changes we've made so far. You'll find tons of information on The White Box, how it works, and the variety of services we provide. We also have some new budget-friendly packages for brides who just need a little help. We'll continue tweaking the site until it's perfect because that's how we roll (yes, that's right).

We have no appointments scheduled at The White Box today. Do you know what that means, dear brides? You have us all to yourselves. So come on in or call THE WHITE LINE (414-763-7536) with your wedding questions. We are here to serve.

The Bespoke Blog Forecast:

Tomorrow, we'll share more about Brideside Manner, including honest-to-goodness examples of poor (and downright outrageous) vendor behavior.
For Style Saturday, we'll discuss high heels -- as in shoes.
Next week, you'll start hearing from our resident Recessionista Bride, my lovely assistant Meghan. (If you don't know what a "Recessionista" is, check out this post from Blue Orchid Designs.)

Introducing... The White Line

2008-10-30T12:48:00.004-05:00

We interrupt our series on Brideside Manner to bring you a special announcement from The White Box of Wedding Design.

The White Box is pleased to announce the launch of THE WHITE LINE, a complimentary wedding reference resource.

Milwaukee brides, 'maids, moms, men, and wedding guests alike are invited to call The White Line at 414-763-7536 with any and all wedding-related questions.

Brides: Do you need a great vendor recommendation?

Bridesmaids: Do know if you need to attend all three of your friend's bridal showers?

Moms: Are you looking for a place to find a fabulous gown for your daughter's wedding?

Guys: Are wondering if your toast is appropriate?

Guests: You've received the invitation, but do you know what you should wear?

To get answers to YOUR local wedding questions, call The White Line at 414-763-7536. Calls will be answered during studio hours (Tuesday - Thursday from 12 to 7, Friday from 12 to 6, Saturday from 10 to 5). If you call after hours, we will be happy to return your message.

Brideside Manner

2008-10-29T14:49:00.002-05:00

As my fellow planners know, working with a bride requires a certain level of patience, peace, and gentleness in communication. However, as I reflect on my observances of vendor-bride communication over this last wedding season, I am compelled to write a short lesson on Brideside Manner. (Google it. I believe I have invented the term.)

Brideside manner is very similar to bedside manner. Allow me to share a definition of “bedside manner” from Wikipedia:

Bedside manner is a term describing how a healthcare professional handles a patient. A good bedside manner is typically one that reassures and comforts the patient. Vocal tones, body language, openness, presence, and concealment of attitude may all affect bedside manner. Poor bedside manner leaves the patient feeling unsatisfied, worried, alone, or frightened. Bedside manner becomes difficult when a healthcare professional explains to the patient the true diagnosis, while keeping the patient from being alarmed.

Now, allow me to replace the word “healthcare” with “wedding” and “patient” with “bride,” and you’ll understand brideside manner:

Brideside manner is a term describing how a wedding professional handles a bride. A good brideside manner is typically one that reassures and comforts the bride. Vocal tones, body language, openness, presence, and concealment of attitude may all affect brideside manner. Poor brideside manner leaves the bride feeling unsatisfied, worried, alone, or frightened. Brideside manner becomes difficult when a wedding professional explains to the bride the true diagnosis (i.e. when the cake has collapsed), while keeping the bride from being alarmed.

Just as bedside manner requires more from a doctor than a medical degree, brideside manner requires more from a wedding professional than great photographs, a nice website, or years of experience.

I’ll share the specifics of what brideside manner does require tomorrow.

Tuesday Trove

2008-10-28T13:50:00.004-05:00

Today is my birthday. I feel old, but loved thanks to all of today's birthday wishes. Thank you!

*******

I bought a few dresses, thanks to the Banana Republic sale this weekend. One of them was a beautiful classic shift on clearance! Perfect for weddings.

*******

The Harley Museum is hosting Raw Beauty, a fall/winter fashion show on Thursday, November 6th, displaying pieces from some of Milwaukee's favorite boutiques. My sister, Resl, is doing hair along with a number of other girls from the Aveda Institute. The show begins at 7:00, with cocktails at six and an after-party at nine. Advance tickets are $25 and may be purchased by calling 414-227-2889. All proceeds benefit the Wisconsin Breast Cancer Association.

*******

I'm excited to announce a new monthly event at The White Box: Wedding Planing 101. Our aim is to host this seminar the first Thursday of every month, but since I will be attending Raw Beauty next week, our first Wedding Planning 101 will be Thursday, November 13th from 7:00-8:30. Tickets are $20 each and must be secured in advance. All attendees will receive a $10 gift certificate to Fred Boutique. For more information, or to reserve your ticket, call our studio at 414-763-7480, or email info{at}whiteboxwedding{dot}com.

*******

The 500 block of Water Street continues to grow with the addition of Luci Boutique. Located at 532 North Water, Luci is just a few steps away from our studio. Stop in as they open their doors for the first time tomorrow, and don’t forget to visit The White Box!

*******

CFO has started blogging again. After a bit of encouragement from a fellow vendor, he realized that money matters are heavy on the mind of engaged and married couples alike. Visit The Dollar Dance for advice on saving, spending, and budgeting, and for a clearer understanding of our current economic situation.

Sale Alert: Banana dresses

2008-10-25T09:47:00.022-05:00

How fun is this?

I already looked through them and picked out all the ones I like. I am so going to try on every single one of these.

Okay, so maybe I got a little excited, but I do believe I will treat myself to a new dress or two in honor of turning a year older on Tuesday. I won't say how much older, but I will say that it's an even-numbered age, and even-numbered ages always make me feel old in a not-so-good way. Odd ages are way better.

But enough about me... every woman should go out and by a Banana dress this weekend. Why? Because they're beautiful, but also because I'm quite certain that every woman reading this could use another fab dress, no matter how many you have right now. If you're hesitating, go get one (or a few) and try it on for your CFO (or your hubby, stylist, groom, or whatever) and see what he thinks. I've found that the best way to get a new outfit is to take CFO shopping with me -- I think he likes me in pretty things more than I do!

I'm going after work. Don't buy up all the good ones before I get there!

Brides Who Steal

2008-10-23T17:21:00.004-05:00

I’ll warn you, I am pretty feisty at this point.

While working on a project today, Meghan came across this article from The Knot:

"Planning: How to Plan Your Wedding at Work (Without Getting Fired)"

As someone with a sense of ethics (not to mention an employer), I can't even express how upset I am. Though I can't say I'm surprised, I am certainly disappointed. Please do take a minute to take a look at the article. I'll wait.

I’m sure this article has tons of hits from brides who are “um -- let's call it multitasking.” I had hoped the people at The Knot might suggest that these overwhelmed working women hire a wedding planner and remind them to keep wedding planning strictly confined to lunch breaks. After all, I’ve been there. I was working in an office when I planned my wedding, which meant I used every minute of my 30 to email vendors and search for bridesmaid gowns with a bowl of salad in my lap. But no. The Knot says, “Even if you've hired a hands-on wedding planner, you probably still need to decide on some things yourself.” Wow. What good is a full-service wedding planner if the bride is still left with so much planning that she simply must steal from her employer to accomplish it?

Yes, that’s right. I said “steal.” We all know that “that spare five minutes before you have to run into a meeting” adds up fast. But hey, that doesn’t matter. The Knot doesn’t care if you spend your workday doing wedding research. After all, “spending time online is a good way to get through the doldrums of your work day (like mid-afternoon, when lunch is ancient history and it feels like the end of the day is never going to come).” Right?

Just so you know, when you’re on the clock, drive time is also work time. That means that “doing a drive-by to check out [a vendor’s] digs” is also stealing.

Apparently, though, stealing isn’t wrong unless you get caught. So, “Make sure the volume on your computer is turned off, or at least way down” or “you are so busted.” And just so you know, brides, “You can't let wedding planning take up your ENTIRE day,” (emphasis added). “But you can definitely let it replace time you would have spent instant messaging.” I’m sorry…WHAT?!?

At first I wondered why on earth they would need to tell someone that “a notebook full of decor ideas and fabric swatches is way too obvious,” until I realized it was helping them promote their “digital notebook” on theknot.com. And then it hit me. Of course The Knot wants to you plan while at work. More brides planning at work = more brides on The Knot.

After all of this encouragement to continue stealing, they have the guts to say you should “use your best judgment when it comes to planning your wedding while you're supposed to be working on your work (you know, the stuff they're actually paying you to do).” If you are planning your wedding at work, you should make sure you hide it, right? Because, let’s face it, if your boss knew what you were doing, you’d be fired – not because they’re being unfair, but because you are. So, “Don't leave a wedding-related web page or document on your screen if you have to step away from your desk -- close or minimize it. And keep more than one window open so if someone comes by it's easy to tab over from your reception site's floor plan to something more legit.” And by no means should you bring in your DIY projects. That would mean you’d have to be honest about how you’re really spending your time.

I am now beyond words. I would love to hear comments from anyone who believes they can make a case that planning your wedding at work isn't stealing from your employer. Your employer is paying you to WORK. For him (or her, or the company -- which, by the way, belongs to someone). Employees paid hourly are particularly void of excuses here. Every minute of your time belongs to your employer unless you punch out or take a specified break.

At the end of all this, they say, “If it seems like Big Brother is watching, you may need to scale back your at-work wedding planning -- but don't worry, you'll still find a way to get it all done.” Oh, really?

Then maybe you didn’t need to steal in the first place.

I hesitated to say this, but I now question The Knot’s credibility about anything, particularly wedding etiquette.

Associations

2008-10-21T17:44:00.002-05:00

I've been thinking about professional associations lately. I used to be part of an association for wedding professionals, but decided against renewing my membership last month. I have mixed opinions on such groups. Those I've investigated include:

The Bridal Association of America

The Association of Bridal Consultants

The Association for Wedding Professionals

The National Association of Wedding Professionals

The International Special Events Society

The National Association of Catering Executives

Part of my reason for not belonging to any group right now is that I haven't found a good fit for me and my business, ethics, and standards, not because I believe myself or my company to be too good for them.

I have come to the conclusion that unless an association that makes me believe I can increase my credibility or somehow better my business by becoming a member and using its logo, I can't put my name behind it.

What do you think? Planners and vendors, do you belong to any professional associations? Brides, does this sort of membership matter to you?

Style Saturday: Investing in basic black

2008-10-18T18:59:00.007-05:00

We always hear that you should invest in quality when adding classic pieces to your wardrobe. I hesitate to spend a fortune on any one piece of clothing, no matter how timeless it may be. I mean, what if I stain it, shrink it, or snag it somehow? What if my metabolism comes to a screeching halt and it no longer fits?

However, I've just realized that there are six pieces in my wardrobe that I've had since high school -- classic pieces that I still wear today (and often!) and, for some reason, are wearing extremely well.

1. A black, 3/4 sleeve turtleneck from GAP.

2. A pair of charcoal gray extra-long boot cut Editor pants from Express.

3. A pair of the same Editor pants in black.

4. A black, 3/4 sleeve scoop-neck knit shirt from Banana Republic Outlet (and it STILL looks and feels like new).

5. A black, long-sleeved crew-neck sweater with buttons at the collar from GAP.

6. A fuzzy black short-sleeved sweater from Banana Republic.

7. A pair of gray sweatpants from Express (yes, I have been known to wear sweatpants in moments of carelessness).

I didn't spend more than $75 dollars on any of those pieces, but somehow they continue to last. If I had bought better quality versions of the same pieces, I could probably wear them while holding my grandchildren (assuming my figure would allow it...).

What I really want to point out is the color of these pieces: five of them are black. I'll share more about my color issues in another post, but black is clearly a great choice for classics. If I had bought that fuzzy sweater in a trendy baby-blue, I can guarantee I wouldn't still be wearing it today.

Bottom line: Go ahead and invest in classic pieces. My closet is proof that you really will wear them for years. And if you decide to go timeless, black is a pretty safe bet.

On "the latest trends"

2008-10-17T20:22:00.007-05:00

We hear about them all the time. Brides ask about them. Planning workshops promote them. Industry associations promise to share them. I have two things to say about "the latest trends":

1. If I, as a consultant and designer, need someone else to tell me what the latest trends are, then I am not very good at my job.

2. Who cares about trends? The trend is do something you love. The trend is do something that’s never been done before. The trend is to turn wedding trends on their heads. The trend is to start your own trend. And really, if you're planning to do something that's trendy now for your wedding in nine months, you won't be as stylish as you think.

Brides, here is my advice: Do something you find meaningful. Get inspired by things you love. Start your own tradition. And stop worrying about what everyone else is doing.

Behind the scenes: Bride & Bloom feature

2008-10-16T17:36:00.021-05:00

So here's the real story...
{Photography by Mthree Studio}

When asked to create a design for a "Hollywood Glamour" wedding, I considered two different directions: Marilyn Monroe glitzy feminine, and old-hollywood supper-club masculine. I think my selection is obvious.

I understand glamour as having a tendency to go over-the-top. Ours is somewhat of a restrained glamour, which I think brings a level of sophistication to the theme. We wanted it to feel indulgent rather than ostentatious.

The final design carries quite a bit of drama, with a nod to the Golden Age of Hollywood. This is "Dean Martin dines with Sophia Loren," right down to the white dinner jacket and chocolate-orchid-adorned clutch. I wanted to go beyond the fantasy of sparkles and glitter that people like to associate with Hollywood. This design is real glamour. This is a table that George Clooney might really sit at.

One of the elements we were asked to include was a cake design. As Victoria and I discussed the possibilities of a "Hollywood glamour" cake, we became less and less thrilled with the idea in general. For some reason, I was having a hard time picturing Frank Sinatra eating a piece of cake.

This brought me in a totally new direction:

The "chocolate cake martini" and salty-sweet chocolate caramel truffles, presented on a sleek silver tray. The martinis are actually Starbucks vanilla frappuccinos (shh!).

I felt it was key to present our boutonniere on a white dinner jacket to further convey the story behind our design. We wanted it simple, but still glamourous: Two small white orchids fastened to a wide black velvet ribbon with a simple tie pin (actually, it's a button from Jo-Ann fabrics).

No matter the event theme or style, I prefer a tabletop that doesn't interfere with my meal. I can't see anything glamourous about the act of rearranging ones place setting to achieve sensible order or in attempting to gracefully undo the origami folds of a napkin before putting it on ones lap. Above, you see a black velvet ribbon actually woven through the place card and wrapped around the napkin presented in a simple but uncommon fold at the edge of the table.

Below you'll see my favorite image from this entire shoot. It almost bleeds the glamour I desired to convey.

And then, of course, there was the menu...

Oh, how we labored over this menu! It's not as if anyone can really read it, but we're all about integrity at The White Box (except when it comes to chocolate cake martinis I suppose). Victoria took command of most of the menu. We found ourselves asking each other questions like, "What did they eat in An Affair To Remember?" After researching real menus from fabulous restaurants of the '40s and '50s, we added our own delicious embellishments. If you can read it, you're in for a treat.

Call me sexist, but I thought "his" and "hers" favors were way more glamourous than "everyone gets the same thing."

The little stir sticks pictured below are one of my favorite details which unfortunately were not published:

The sticks themselves were designed by me, and Natalie was given the task of wiring them together. We thought they were the perfect accessory to glam up our martinis, and totally practical to mix in the yummy chocolate sauce.

And now I present our "bouquet":

How glamourous is a champagne satin clutch adorned with two perfect chocolate orchids, a vintage brooch, and velvet ribbon? I bet Sophia Loren would choose this over a bouquet any day. And as I carried it home under my arm, I felt like her.

A very special thank-you to some of our favorite wedding professionals who made our first national publication a fabulous one:

Sue Shunta of freshdesign for her never-ending patience and flawless sense of style. Sue and her team created the orb of dendrobium orchids and box of pristine white roses. And, not she did they somehow get her hands on the perfect shade of brown orchids, but she was able to securely fasten them to the clutch [along with the brooch and ribbon] without damaging it in any way.

Molly Michel of Mthree Studio for her artistic input and hours of time sitting up late with me going through images at The White Box. Molly created our old-Hollywood stationery suite and photographed everything for publication.

Julie Waterman of Indulgence Chocolatiers for providing her fabulous truffles in a brand-new flavor.

Ted Anderson, an amazing host and master of hospitality, general manager of my favorite restaurant--the location of our shoot--Bacchus.

Thank you all!

Bride & Bloom Feature: In stores now...

2008-10-15T16:31:00.006-05:00

Come back tomorrow for a behind-the-scenes look into my rendition of a Hollywood Glamour Wedding...

Introducing... Meghan

2008-10-14T18:59:00.005-05:00

Many of you know that Victoria has left us to be with her new husband in Michigan. This was a move she had been plotting all summer, and we quietly sought a new employee to take her place. We met Meghan when she was managing a venue in another city. I was impressed by her level of professionalism and heart for service.

Some time later, I received an email from Meghan. She was planning a move to Milwaukee to be near her boyfriend of over four years, and wanted to tap into the local hospitality industry.

Last month, we brought Meghan on board, and she has been an excellent addition to the team. I asked her to share her responses to the “4 Things” tag that has been circulating lately so you can get to know her.

Here is what she said (with my commentary inserted, because I just couldn't resist):

4 Things I Did Today:

1. Got engaged. {No, really. She did. BEST WISHES, MEGHAN!}

2. Decided to eat a refreshing salad from The Market for lunch.

3. Went for a morning walk.

4. Drove past the Pine Cone in Johnson Creek and forgot to get Monica an éclair. {What??!?}

4 Things On My To-Do List:

1. Pick a wedding date.

2. Re-address the three envelopes I wrote upside-down.

3. Finalize a schedule for an out-of-town bride.

4. Clean up my apartment from a weekend of neglecting it.

4 of my Guiltiest Pleasures:

1. Wedding cake… or just cake in general. It doesn’t matter the flavor, filling or frosting I will eat it all and every chance I get! So ladies, if I attend your wedding day please save me a piece and of course it’s just to keep me focused!

2. Buying shoes. A woman can never have too many pairs of shoes, it just isn’t possible.

3. Playing Nintendo Wii. Okay, so it may be a little bit childish but it relieves me from doing laundry and cleaning my apartment. {I think we may need to have a Wii Day at The White Box...}

4. Caramel Frappuccinos from Starbucks.

4 Random Facts about me:

1. I am very competitive. I don’t necessarily have to win or be right, but I love competition.

2. I don’t like attention. Monica had to basically pull teeth to get me to allow her to post my picture on this blog. {Much less take the photo in the first place!}

3. I love the season of fall. I of course love the colors and the changing leaves but most of all Halloween occurs during the fall. I don’t have much of an appreciation for the scary element of fall but rather carving pumpkins, putting cheesy window clings up, and giving out candy for trick-or-treaters. {Meghan, you forgot about my birthday…}

4. I am sure many of you have noticed that Monica refers to her husband, Tim, as CFO and now you will all know that I call my fiancé (Kyle) my Stylist. {For real, she does.} Every morning I consult him on my outfit, hair, etc. I am perfectly capable of walking out of the house looking stylish but Kyle gives me the extra confidence and approval for the day’s look. So, Monica has a CFO and I have a Stylist.

I am most excited about the first item on Meghan’s list, as she is now officially ENGAGED and will be planning her wedding for [hopefully] next October. This proves the theory that I can never be without a bride-to-be in my personal life. But that’s okay. I’m getting pretty good at this wedding planning stuff…

Congratulations on your engagement, Meghan! And a belated welcome to The White Box!

Eyeshadow made mindless

2008-10-11T11:59:00.005-05:00

It doesn't get any easier than this.

Cargo has robbed women of another excuse for bad eye makeup. I must confess, I do find this fun, but it also makes me wonder how serious the Cargo team was when they developed it.

Maybelline has a similar eyeshadow compact on the market...
but they have those horrible little spongy applicators, which take away any authority they may have had in instructing women how to apply eye makeup.

I don't usually wear much eye makeup myself. If I do, I am delighted to use a pretty palette of greens by Christian Dior (one of too many anniversary season gifts from CFO). I think I got out of the habit of painting my lids after being so disappointed with so many brands, and bad applicators only make things worse.

If you really want to make any beauty regimen easy, it's going to cost you in tools and products. Eyeshadow is no different.

Christian Dior has managed to lure me back into the world of eyeshadow because you get what you pay for. But, not only does it look better than a lot of other brands I've tried, it stays put. I was so surprised to come home at night and see my eye makeup still looking lovely.

Don't even think about applying your Dior makeup or any other without proper brushes. This is something I dismissed for a long time as a frivolous luxury, but after years of frustration with brushes that shed, feel scratchy, or just simply don't do the job, I encountered a fantastic brush set from Bobbi Brown (another gift from CFO, who did his research and informed me that with proper care, these brushes can last a lifetime).

If you're so inclined, go ahead and start with one of the eyeshadow palettes above, but don't forget that it may take more than merely following directions to achieve the fabulous look you want.

True elegance: The antithesis of tacky

2008-10-10T19:02:00.003-05:00

Thesaurus.com defines "elegant" in the most beautiful, simple way: "Of such tasteful beauty as to elicit admiration. Exquisite. Graceful."

Tasteful. Graceful. To achieve an event like this, it is best to err on the side of simple. The more “stuff” you add to your décor, the easier it is to become tacky. Try to imagine a basic white linen with a few glass votive candles being tacky. A lovely tabletop like that can only get tacky if you start “tacking” on other elements to make your design seem more elaborate. This doesn't mean that a complex design with multiple elements can't be elegant, but it takes more self-control and a keen eye to keep it that way.

The word “elegant” has a connotation of effortlessness to me. I think the events that have an exquisite venue, excellent food, and beautiful music, allowing those elements to speak for themselves, are the most elegant. It doesn’t matter if the linens are custom designed, and it doesn’t matter if orchids cascade from the ceiling (or if there are any flowers at all). I believe elegance is allowing beautiful things to stand alone and show their beauty. Elegance is far more about quality than quantity. It is more about selection than design. It is about paring down, not adding more.

What do you think? Does “elegance” speak to you? What does it say? How do you define it?

Beyond elegant

2008-10-09T16:28:00.001-05:00

I think a lot of brides say they want “elegant” because they don’t know how to let their grandmother’s handkerchief or the graceful swoop of a swan inspire their style. They just know both are elegant. And they want elegant.

Dear brides, do not be satisfied with words like “elegant,” “nice,” and “beautiful.” What is elegant to me may be so-so to another. A bride who wants her wedding to be elegant is going to get something ordinary unless she gets specific about what elegant means to her. A good designer will help you find your “elegant,” whether it’s sleek, clean, and white, or velvet, vintage, and bejeweled…or something else.

Try using words that go beyond “elegant.” Look for descriptives that are a bit more objective, like “masculine,” “sumptuous,” “delicate,” or “warm.”

If you’re working with a good designer, or if you have a mind for design, consider using nouns to define your style. Instead of designing an elegant wedding, allow yourself to be inspired by a Rolls Royce, a dirty martini, a ballet slipper, or Marylin Monroe. If that seems obscure to you, try reflecting a certain place or a particular time of year, and determine what that place and time evokes in your soul.

At The White Box, we suggest choosing three words or phrases to explain your design.

“Garden” is a good start. Here, the word “elegant” can be somewhat helpful, as an elegant garden is different from an overgrown garden or a jungle garden. But let’s be more specific than “elegant.” Let’s pretend you think an English garden is elegant; we’ll use “English garden” instead of “elegant garden.”

“English garden” is a workable design theme, but remember that gardens evolve as the seasons change. An English garden in late autumn will look very different than it did in the middle of spring. You could use a season here, and you would have a respectable style from which to draw inspiration, but if you wanted to get even more specific and more unique, consider tacking an artist’s name onto the name of your design. Throw in a name like “Andy Warhol,” for example, and suddenly your English garden just got a whole lot more interesting. “An English Garden by Andy Warhol.” Now there is some design direction.

Come back tomorrow for more on "elegant"...

On "elegant"

2008-10-08T13:32:00.006-05:00

Even before I built my business, I smirked when I read Preston Bailey’s discussion about the definition of “elegant” in Preston Bailey’s Design for Entertaining:

“I usually encourage my clients to come up with one or two words, keywords, that represent the effect they are interested in achieving. While I have begun the design process with many different keywords, from romantic to masculine to lighthearted, by far the most common word I hear is elegant. You'd be surprised how many different notions people have of what that is. Moreover, elegance can be translated in many ways. For example, it can be understated or very elaborate, simple or traditional. It is up to me to enable my clients to pinpoint what elegance means to them and to execute that."

In my experience, however different from Preston Bailey's, I have observed that Milwaukee Brides are exactly like New York Brides in one key way: They all want an elegant wedding.

The word “elegant” has become meaningless in the wedding industry. Saying you want your event to be elegant is like saying you want it to be nice. Everyone has a different idea of "nice." It doesn’t mean anything. No one wants an event that is not nice, and no one wants an event that is not elegant. According to synonym.com, the opposite of elegant is “unpolished,” “ungracious,” “homely,” or “awkward.” If you tell your vendors that you want a nice, elegant, not unpolished, not homely, not awkward wedding, you will have told them nothing.

When I hear a bride say she wants an elegant wedding, I am forced to conclude that in all likelihood, her wedding is going to end up like every other wedding, because, in all likelihood, she doesn’t really want to be unique. She wants an elegant wedding just like everyone else. She is satisfied with being ordinary.

Come back tomorrow to learn how to define your wedding in specific ways that call for style far beyond elegance.

On Friday, we'll delve into a deeper, specific definition of “elegant” and examine whether true elegance really is what every bride wants.

Tuesday Trove

2008-10-07T15:24:00.002-05:00

I sit at my desk with a stack of the Winter 2008 issue of Bride & Bloom containing a pretty fabulous design by The White Box. I do not have a pdf image to share with you at this time, but I encourage you to visit your local Target and pick up a copy. Not only does The White Box have a great rendition of a Hollywood glamour wedding on page 58, but you'll love this publication. After being introduced to Bride & Bloom, Meghan said "This is the first time I've ever felt inspired by a bridal magazine." If you'd rather save the $6.99, come by The White Box and we'll let you peruse our copies.

*******

The team and I are discussing whether or not we should be open on Black Friday. Do I really want to be here the day after Thanksgiving? Not really, but the real question is, will brides want to be here the day after Thanksgiving? What do you think? Brides, are you doing any wedding planning on Black Friday?

*******

We received a beautiful orchid arrangement from Sue and her staff at freshdesign. I can't tell you what joy this brings me! I love it. Meghan and I take turns keeping it on our desks.

*******

Some of you may know that we keep the TV on whenever we find a good show to watch. Today, this consisted of a Whose Wedding is it Anyway? marathon. However, way more often than not, we turn on the Style Network and find Clean House. Clean House is on over and over every day and sometimes all day. Do any of your like this show? Someone must be watching it, but we are not.

*******

The Brewers lost their chance at a Pennant win this weekend. I think it's fair to say Milwaukee is sad. My sister and CFO scored tickets at the last minute, and out of some 45,000 fans, they saw Molly of Mthree Studio and her hubby on the shuttle. Fun.

*******

This weekend's wedding is at the Milwaukee Art Museum in the beautiful Quadracci Pavilion. It is our first time working with this highly-coveted venue and we are looking forward to the experience.

Style Saturdays: Brown and black

2008-10-04T13:18:00.007-05:00

We just had two lovely ladies visit The White Box who were discussing whether or not one can wear brown with black. Maybe you, too, are afraid of looking like this:

Like just about any color combination, brown and black works great if it is done right. To make these colors work together, you must use shades in their truest, richest forms, lending the overall look to be best suited for fall and winter.

I think most women understand that the old rules of matching your purse, belt, and shoes is gone. The special feature about the brown-black combination is that they are both neutrals, and, along with their lighter counterparts (ivory, taupe, gray), may now be combined in just about any way you can imagine.

If you're really scared to dabble in this former fashion faux pas, try adding a purse, necklace, hat, or other accessory that features both colors together. Then you can wear that black turtleneck sweater and brown pencil skirt together with confidence.

Brown and black makes a great color palette for an evening wedding during the cooler months. It can be mixed with pearly hues for a sophisticated, softened look, glamourized with metallics in every shade, or carefully combined with a pop color (think jewel tones).

What do you think about brown and black?

{Images from top: Ebay seller teardropheaven, My Super Sweet Diary}

Must I have this dance?

2008-10-03T16:21:00.003-05:00

I've told my single girlfriends: "If you want a date, come assist me with a wedding."

I'm only half-joking.

Let's pretend you're at a wedding reception, and you happen to find the photographer particularly attractive. Would you ever, under any circumstances, even consider walking up to this person and asking them to dance? I should think not (although maybe some of my photographer readers have some stories to share...). What about a server? Would you ever think of asking a server to take a turn on the dance floor? What about a wedding planner? Are wedding planners somehow different in this case? One would think not, but experience has taught me otherwise.

Incredibly, the earpiece and binder are no deterrent for such behavior. I had hoped that the introduction of radios on a wedding day would help prevent these antics. No dice. If you're lucky, it happens like this:

Random Guy: "Hi, I was wondering if you could help me with something."

White Box Girl: "Absolutely. What can I do for you?" (Note: This is the WRONG response)

Random Guy: "Well, I noticed you standing all by yourself over here, and I was wondering if you'd like to dance."

White Box Girl: "That's very sweet of you, but that would be against my policy. I do see a number of lovely ladies though who seem to be without a date; perhaps you ought to ask one of them." [Scratches head with left hand to prominently display diamonds.]

Random Guy: "Well, none of them are quite as lovely as you. Please? Just for one song?"

White Box Girl: "No I'm sorry. I am working. Please excuse me..."

If you're unlucky, it happens like this, as you're about to leave for the evening:

Random Groomsman: "Hey, before you leave, I have one more request on behalf of the bridal party."

White Box Girl: "Yes, sir?" (Throwing that "sir" in there always helps.)

Random Groomsman: "We need you to dance. With me."

White Box Girl: "I'm sorry. I don't dance." [Smiles.]

Random Groomsman: "Come on! Just for like 90 seconds!"

White Box Girl: "I can't. I'm taken." [Smiles again.]

Random Groomsman: "Well, just as friends then."

White Box Girl: "But we're not friends."

Random Groomsman: "Ohhh, snap!"

White Box Girl: "Tell you what, why don't you give me a call in a couple years when you're engaged and then we'll talk?"

Random Groomsman: "Yeah, okay."

I realize this is all pretty harmless, but I must know what makes a man think think of walking across the room (you can usually spot them a mile away) to ask the wedding planner to dance. I won't even get into the fact that all my staff wear wedding or engagement rings (and those who aren't taken wear fake ones - I'm not kidding!).

Please tell me that we are not the only wedding planners that get asked to dance at our clients' weddings. Don't leave me alone here, ladies! I want to hear your stories. And brides, what would you think if you spotted your husband's college roommate taking your planner for a spin?

::Paging:: Chicago Planners

2008-10-02T15:19:00.002-05:00

I have been contacted by a Milwaukee bride getting married in the outer Chicago area who is seeking potential venues and vendors. As close as it is to Milwaukee, know little of the city's wedding industry. If there are any Chicago planners willing to provide me with a bit of direction for this bride, I would really appreciate it if you emailed our studio at info{at}whiteboxwedding{dot}com with the subject "Chicago Help."

Thank you!

A new game!

2008-10-01T14:25:00.006-05:00

Saundra at Planning...Forever Events tagged me with a new game today. It's been a while, so I'm happy to play along!

4 Things I Did Today:

1. Decided to wear a hat.

2. Went to the cleaners to pick up a poofy bridal slip.

3. Went to the Milwaukee Athletic Club to pick up a few remaining items from last weekend's wedding.

4. Counseled a bride. Twice. Meghan and I discussed how much of being a wedding planner is counseling and how much is planning.

4 Things On My To-Do list:

1. Finish a budget analysis for a bride who is trying to decide among three different spending amounts.

2. Finish a Menu of Services that I've been working on for FOREVER.

3. Read the latest Martha Stewart Weddings.

4. Laundry. And no, Saundra, it never, ever ends.

4 of My Guiltiest Pleasures:

1. Dining out. And dining in. Pretty much just eating. Food is way more than mere sustenance for me.

2. Sleeping. My favorite time of the day is the moment I get to crawl in bed at the end of the night. CFO says that's what lazy people say...

3. Watching movies with my husband.

4. Chocolate éclairs from the Pine Cone, which is about 50 minutes west of The White Box. We have a rule in my family that if anyone ever drives by the Pine Cone, they must buy at least two. This éclair is just a bit shorter than my forearm, and I will delight in it for about three days.

4 Random Facts About Me:

1. I watch people's mouths when they talk. It's a recent discovery and a terrible habit. I think it's just part of my fascination with speech, communication, and movement. It's also probably why I can entertain my family and friends with endless impersonations.

2. I work in my sleep. Seriously. Some of my best business ideas and solutions have come to me in dreams.

3. I do what I do because I really believe I have a divine purpose.

4. I live (and run, and dance, and jump) in high heels. I started wearing them when I was 16 because they made my size nine-and-a-half feet look small and my not-so-great calves look pretty decent. I kind of liked being thought of as "tall" (I'm really not) and have since worn many a pair of stilettos to the nail. My feet hurt when I wear athletic shoes or flats for too long, and my back will probably hate me one day.

So now I will tag..

Jasmine at Jasmine Star Photography (because I know your answers will be fun).

Melissa at Masterpiece Weddings (because I want to be amused when I see that your answers are the same as mine).

Terrica at Fabuluxe Events (because we haven't heard from you in too long).

Sarah at Classic Bride (because you're just lovely).

To see my responses to other tags, check out 5 songs I'm embarrassed to admit I like and 7 random things I did during my first year as a wedding planner.

Finding the right assistance

2008-09-26T13:32:00.004-05:00

A number of brides I have met are unsure of the sort of service they need. They have heard about consultants, managers, coordinators, planners, and designers who can help them, but what are the differences among these titles?

It is time to shed some light on this subject and help brides find the right assistance. Here’s how The White Box defines these many roles:

Event Consultants are hired much like a lawyer is hired. Consultants are often paid by the hour hour or per meeting. You hire them for their knowledge and their resources – they do not make plans for you. Hire a consultant if you need help getting started with wedding plans, outlining a budget, creating a timeline, finding great vendors, or if you have etiquette or planning-related questions. You may also seek a consultant who would be willing to put together a package of sorts that would allow you to meet with her once a month as you work through your plans or to email her your questions as they arise.

Event Managers are hired to manage your wedding day (sometimes known as a “day-of” coordinators or “DOC”). Event managers are not planners or designers. If you hire an event manager, YOU are the planner and designer of the event. The event manager’s job is to make sure your plans are executed on the event day. Hire an event manager only if you are highly organized and have a few hundred hours to devote to wedding planning, otherwise you need a higher level of service.

Event Coordinators are hired to coordinate the details of your wedding day. You will be part of the planning process, but the coordinator will help ensure that everything works together. Coordinators are not designers. They are type-A, left-brained timeline people who may not necessarily be aware of aesthetics on any level. Hire an event coordinator if you want to be involved in making a lot of decisions and plan on being heavily involved in the planning process.

Event Planners are hired to plan your event. Period. You’re getting married? Great! Give an event planner the date, time, venue (perhaps), budget, and any must-haves. Then your planner plans the event. End of story. You will have to do some work (i.e. create your guest list, respond to your planner’s questions, etc.). Hire an event planner if you don’t want to deal with the headaches of wedding planning. Do not hire an event planner if you can’t resist micromanaging her.

Event Designers are hired to design the decorative aspects of your event. It could be argued that all events are “designed” and some planners will refer to themselves as “designers” – these planners are actually both. They will research ideas for décor and layout and come up with ways to make your event unique and fabulous. They will not call the cake lady to find out when the cake stand needs to be returned. Often, designers will offer day-of decorating services to execute their designs as well. Hire an event designer if you’re more into planning than design, if you are having a hard time determining your style, or if you want to ensure your day is very cohesive and extra-special.

Some event planning companies, like The White Box, wear all five hats, but usually specialize in a couple. The White Box is obviously a place for wedding consulting, because brides can come in anytime during studio hours and consult us about their wedding for free. We also offer more specialized, hourly consulting on all wedding planning topics for brides who are looking for our devoted attention.

We are one of those planners who likes to think of the planning process as a design process, so when you hire us to plan your wedding, you get both! We also offer event coordination and event management, but these are not the best value if you are looking for the best service.

So to all my readers who are wedding planners, designers, managers, consultants, and coordinators: I welcome your additions to this post. Any thoughts on the roles we play?