Where I've been, and why I'm going...

My long absence from Bespoke has been the product of an overfilled mind and an unsettled spirit, and it has led to something I never expected.

Some of you may know that CFO (my husband) and I work as a team. At this point, I believe we have, perhaps prematurely, come to a place where we need to choose between him supporting me and me supporting him. This, to me, is a simple choice, though the execution and ramifications of that choice are not easy.

The decision I have made has been borne of much self-examination over the last several months. This examination intensified as I prepared to attend the industry’s finest business summit in June. I spent four days with the greatest minds of the wedding world. I was praised for my business model, my blog, and my achievements, and I walked away with one thing: a realization that I do not belong here.

I have learned that many people in this industry absolutely love what they do. They can’t help it. It’s like the air they breathe. For me, this is all far from what makes me come alive. I opened The White Box because I saw needs and devised a way to meet them; not because it was what I had always wanted, but because it was what I believed was needed.

A wedding planner has a very demanding job, and due to my family situation and my desire to assist my husband in his pursuits, I no longer feel I can give my best to the industry. Therefore, I shall be letting go of The White Box and wedding planning. I can’t say this was an easy decision, and yet, once I realized that I am not being who I want to be, it was actually quite simple and came rather quickly. I've spent so much of my life asking myself what the world needs, rather than asking what makes me come alive, and I am finding much joy in releasing myself from the shackles of what the world has been telling me to pursue, including what I felt burdened to do because of my talents and abilities.

I realize that most of you reading this will not understand my decision. Some of you will be upset, offended, or even hurt. For this I am deeply sorry, for this was most certainly not my intention. I simply must do what I believe is right for me. I hate that this had to happen, because I do believe that The White Box is a great idea and a much-needed service. I truly regret that I have not yet been able to take it to a point where it would be established enough to sell as-is, but I cannot hang on simply to grow it to that level.

The serious businesswoman in me is driven to keep going out of fear that this will appear as though I’ve failed, or worse, that I’ve given up. But, my decision is not a matter of income, initiative, or endurance. It’s simply a matter of being the woman I need to be. I do want to be clear, however, that we have already contacted our brides and we are committed to fulfilling all standing contracts with them.

Our studio closing will be effective immediately. I will continue to be available via email and by appointment through the end of the year. From this point on, email will be the best way to contact me as I will be in and out of the studio by appointment only. My co-consultant, Meghan, will no longer be with me on a full-time basis. All emails delivered to her will be forwarded to me for response.

The decision to close The White Box is highly personal, so be not discouraged. It is not a function of the economy or not getting enough business or not making enough money. In fact, I couldn’t have conceived of the successes I’ve had on many levels over the last 18 months. I know it seems crazy to let this all go, but I know I'm making the right decision because it's for ME and not for anyone else.

I thank you for your support, your encouragement, your kindness, and your faithful readership, and for allowing me to share my perspective with you. I will no longer be blogging for Bespoke; however, it shall remain available for your reference.

With much joy and excitement for the days ahead,

Monica

The Recessionista attends a wedding

Meghan learns from her recent experience as a wedding guest.

I recently was a guest at a wedding where I felt like the guest’s perspective wasn't given much consideration. Planning a wedding is not only about the couple, it's also about making your guests feel comfortable so they can enjoy themselves. As you are planning your wedding, try to think about how a guest will feel at your event. 

Here are a few tips to get you thinking of your guests:

1. Instruct your ushers to actually seat people, especially if you are seating specifically bride and groom sides. If the ushers aren’t seating guests, you may end up with a pool of guests in the front of the church or ceremony space and guests will feel awkward and unsure of where to seat themselves.

2. Do create table assignments and provide at the very least an escort card. When there are no escort cards, guests feel lost, and when they figure out it’s free-for-all seating they have to scramble to find enough seats to sit with their families. Who wants that stress?

3. If you choose have a receiving line at some point during your event, be ambitious about it. A receiving line can be uncomfortable for guests who only know either the bride or groom and are not sure how to congratulate the other. I have personally felt anxious before going through a receiving line because I wasn’t sure whether to hug the bride or shake her hand or what. So, if you know that a guest doesn’t know you very well make the first move, either stick out your hand for a congratulatory shake or hold out your arms for a hug.

4. Ensure that you have a strict (but not ridiculous and crazy) schedule in place, and be sure to communicate it to your vendors, especially your catering or venue manager and the DJ. When there are gaps in an event where nothing is happening, this can makes guests feel like they should be doing something. One way to avoid this is to create a program for your reception. This is especially helpful if you are doing things a bit out of the ordinary. I am creating a program for my wedding reception because we are doing a cocktail hour after dinner and I don’t want guests to immediately run to the dance floor after cake is served.

Feel free to comment with your own suggestions or situations in which you’ve felt uncomfortable as a wedding guest. What would you do differently? Are you taking any extra measures to ensure your guests enjoy themselves? 

 

Soooo...

Don't be mad.

I know I was supposed to do my big "What not to wear to a wedding" post on Saturday. And I even started writing it two days in advance. I left the studio on Friday planning to schedule it for Saturday, but I came home to no internet. 

No problem, I can post at the airport while I'm waiting for my flight in the morning (I was in Florida as a temporary staff member of Masterpiece Weddings over the weekend). But, then I decided that I was going to try going Mac-less for the weekend. It's a pain to take to the airport anyway. 

No problem, I can post from my iPhone. Well, not only did I forget all about this idea until Saturday night, but I realized that posting from my iPhone is not as much fun as it sounds. 

No problem, Melissa has a computer I can use. Oh but wait, I never actually finished the intro and ending of my post. And it's 10:00 at night. Ummm..

I called CFO before bed. He said not to worry because no one would notice. :-( "...because of the holiday weekend!" he quickly added. Sure...

Anyway. I miss you all. And I miss just chatting. I often feel like I need to have some big amazing idea every time I post (especially when Amanda posts such wonderful words about how much she loves Bespoke). But sometimes I just want to talk to you. 

Clearly I am in a chatty mood right now. I may regret this later. But, anyway, all this to say that I'll take another stab at Style Saturday this weekend okay? Meghan has a post for y'all as well, which we need to squeeze in somewhere.

Now, just as a special reward for reading this random post, I shall leave you with this little treat. Trust me, you will LOVE it!

Enjoy!

Getting [wedding] Things Done

I met with a bride today who is having a tough time getting things done. She feels unfocused and “all over the place.” She was pretty much like most of the brides I meet. We traced one of her obstacles back to a much smaller task that needed to be accomplished, and walked through the tasks that followed in order to get her back on track.

When talking with her, I was reminded of David Allen’s Getting Things Done. Allen’s theory is that the key to getting things done is to break down all tasks into small, simple ones. The point is to identify which task is holding up the show. And then take care of it.

Perhaps your to-do list looks like this:

- Figure out ceremony time
- Order bridesmaid dresses
- Schedule tasting

Short as that list may be, somehow it seems completely daunting because each item is what Allen refers to as an “amorphous blob.” But, if you turn these “blobs” into specific actions, they will seem much more approachable. For example...

Figure out ceremony time
1. Call venue contact to ask when the space must be cleared of guests after the ceremony.
2. Call officiant to confirm length of sermon.
3. Email venue manager to ask how early guests may arrive for cocktails.
4. Type a list of family portraits.
5. Email list to photographer and ask for estimation on length of portrait time.

Order bridesmaid dresses
1. Google phone number for bridesmaid dress shop.
2. Call dress shop and request a deadline for dress orders.
3. Facebook maid-of-honor and ask for her new email address.
4. Email all bridesmaids the phone number for the dress shop and the deadline.

Schedule tasting
1. Go to a gas station and fill up the car.
2. Stop by mom and dad’s house to pick up the caterer’s packet you left there.
3. Read caterer’s tasting policy in your information packet
4. Look at the menu options and choose which items you want to try.
5. Email catering manager to ask when a tasting may be scheduled.
6. Make a list of dates and times that work for you and the caterer.
7. Call the groom to ask which of those dates are available for him.
8. Call mom to ask which of the remaining dates are available for her and dad.
9. Email catering manager with the final date and meal selections.

Your list may look longer, but it is suddenly easier to accomplish. This may seem super-Type-A-tedious, but I encourage you to take ONE item on your wedding to-do list this week and break it down like the samples above. You’ll find yourself focused, accomplished, and ready to break down the next “blob.”

Be sure to leave a comment and let us know how it goes!

A fabulous mother-of-the-bride

Meghan shares four qualities that make a great mother-of-the-bride.

Last week I gave my two cents about what I thought made a great mother-in-law, and, as promised, this week I will share what I feel makes a great mother-of-the-bride. For me, I am once again lucky. My mother is wonderful and it sounds cliché but we have always acted more as friends then mother and daughter.

I feel that a mother of the bride has as much responsibly and rite of passage as a bride does, so she should exemplify the qualities of a great mother in law in addition to the ones below.

1. She spends the day proud yet humble. Nobody appreciates a mother of the bride stealing attention or obnoxiously boasting about her lovely daughter.

2. She is a gracious hostess and spends time socializing with guests, but still enjoys herself.

3. She realizes that the wedding day (and all time spent planning prior) is not a time to make up for elements that weren’t included in her own wedding.

4. She views that day like she is gaining a son, not losing a daughter.


Tell us about what makes your MOB fabulous!

Style Saturday: Makeup in a hurry

Today's Style Saturday post, as promised last week, is a short lesson on how to pull your makeup together in a hurry, or, as I say in the video 5,000 times, "in, like, two minutes."

That's right. I have a video to share. It was over 17 minutes long. I have chopped it down to nine minutes and 38 seconds. What can I say? I never got A's on my speeches in school because I ALWAYS went over the allotted time. And anyway, I think that those of you who are curious enough to read this post will be curious enough to play the video. :-) 

I do apologize that it has taken until 9:00 to get this up. iMovie and YouTube and I are not friends yet.

So, enjoy! And let me know if you want to see more video blogs or if you'd rather just read.

Coming soon: What not to wear to a wedding

I have been frustrated with wedding guests lately. I guess this means I’m frustrated with people in general, because everyone is a wedding guest at some point or another. Outraged, I have shared [on Twitter] some of the attire I have seen from my office window of actual wedding guests who park in the lot outside. Though not all of my “tweets” were snarky, some were indeed intended to clearly point out what is not appropriate to wear to a wedding. I find it curious that Stacy & Clinton make a living criticizing the attire of everyday people, and yet, some have found it unacceptable for me to critique wedding guest attire.

I did not (and would not) share the identity of the guests, take their photos, or try to embarrass them in any way. However, someone was not happy about my comments and attempted to anonymously post his/her opinion here on Bespoke. Because the comment was anonymous, it has not been posted. This person was not disrespectful or rude; however, I have seen the catty, unnecessary drama that can (though not always does) unfold from the anonymous comments of those who disagree with a blogger.

What I do regret is that I have shared my opinion in a manner that has offended some (as I’m sure that Anonymous represents more than just him/herself), because I did not intend to be malicious in any way. Clearly, my opinions were poorly presented. Therefore, I would like to take this opportunity to present my thoughts more completely; that is, in more than 140 characters.

I think it is rude to publicly criticize things about others that they cannot help (weight, height, age, race, the size of their ears…whatever). However, whether or not we like it, clothing is a statement we make to the world. It is the only thing people see that we actually get to choose – something we make decisions about on a daily basis. Clothing can also be a statement of respect (or lack thereof), which is why only certain attire is appropriate for court, church, and, yes, weddings.

In an effort to be less snarky and more helpful, I will be sharing a series of “Style Saturday” posts entitled “What Not To Wear to a Wedding.” These will be serious posts on how to be respectfully and appropriately dressed as a wedding guest. I certainly know that respect and propriety go far beyond attire, but at this time, the subject shall be limited to dress. One step at a time. :-)

I do hope you’ll tune in, but I cannot promise that you will not be offended. It is quite possible (dare I say, likely?) that you have worn one of the things I say are not appropriate wedding-wear (I know I have!). As a wedding stylist, designer, and blogger, I make a living by being an opinionated critic. If I am upsetting or offending you, please do not feel the need to continue to read my posts or follow me on Twitter. Life is too short to allow yourself to be upset by the opinions of others about such trivial things. I don’t expect everyone to agree with me or the way I do things. Feedback from my readers is always appreciated, but I will not post dissenting comments by those who will not stand behind them.

As always, I desire to help (I wouldn’t share a photo of myself the moment I wake up in the morning if I didn’t!). I am happy to serve my readers by sharing advice, answering questions, and providing much-needed critique.

A Recessionista's modern mother-in-law

Meghan shares her additions to Modern Bride's ideal MIL.

I have seen many brides cringe as the term “mother-in-law” comes out of my mouth as if I just cursed. I don’t understand that reaction whatsoever because, well to be frank, my mother-in-law rocks!

I began thinking about how great my mother-in-law is after I read the “Recognize a Great Mother-in-Law” article in the June/July issue of Modern Bride magazine. The article is great and very cute. The following tips are what they suggest fulfills the characteristics of a great MIL; I added a few of my own additions at the bottom.

According to Modern Bride:

1. Her hair is simply styled to ensure the salon has enough time for the bride and her maids.
2. She is smiling even though she paid for things she didn’t necessarily like.
3. She is alternating between champagne and soda water so she can stay lovely and last all night long.
4. Her accessories are simple yet elegant, an heirloom piece she plans to pass on to your first born daughter.
5. Her dress is not white, low cut, or skin tight, yet still completely chic.
6. In her hand is an evening bag that you gifted her.
7. She is wearing killer heals even though she’s been running around arranging last-minute details.

According to the Recessionista:

1. She spends time enjoying the day without worrying if things are on time, in the right place or how something will be executed. Easier to avoid if you have planner involved!

2. Her toast (if she gives one) is short, sweet and to the point, omitting any embarrassing stories of the groom. May be difficult for my MIL because I am sure Stylist did his fair share of funny things growing up (he is the baby in the family, after all).

3. She is calm and well put-together, even though it’s an emotional day. Don’t get me wrong, emotion on a wedding day is a beautiful thing but in excess it can be obnoxious.

4. She is supportive of your decisions, understanding that it is impossible to please everyone and that being a bride is not easy! *Editor’s note: Meghan is always saying how true this is of her mother-in-law.


Feel free to leave a comment with any additional great mother-in-law characteristics, and check back next week for ways to recognize a great mother of the bride!

7 accessories you need to fake fabulousness

A few weeks ago, I wrote about the importance of looking presentable in public; something that is particularly important for entrepreneurs who are the face of their company (as many wedding planners are). While most readers were in agreement, check out the comments section of that post for some interesting discussion.

Today, I have a few ideas for those of you who find yourself panicked when you sleep through the alarm, or for those who just need to run to the store in the middle of a not-so-glamorous house project.

Seven Accessories You Need to Fake Fabulousness:

1. A shawl in a beautiful color that looks gorgeous on you.


Get comfortable with a shawl. Spend some time wrapping it around you in different ways. Wear it around the house if you have to, but learn to love it. Once you do, you'll wonder how you ever went without one. (If you're really daring, you'll even wear it over your head once in a while.)

2. A fitted trench in a shade that compliments your skin.


Every woman should invest in a trench coat that looks amazing on her. I suggest a fitted one with a cinched waist for 90% of women. Just around the knee is a good length (it should be shorter or longer depending on your legs). I finally bought a for-real trench in creamy-white a few years ago, and I haven't yet seen a day when I don't get at least one compliment on my coat.

The best part? You can get away with wearing bike shorts and a tank top under your trench coat and no one would know.

3. Big sunglasses.


Red eyes? Dark circles? No time for makeup? A big pair of sunglasses will be your new best friend.

4. A chunky necklace.


The thing about accessories is they help make it look like you tried. Throw a chunky necklace and a pair of heels on with your t-shirt and jeans, and you've suddenly gone from looking like a scrub to looking fun and cute.

5. An oversized sweater in a neutral color.


Great to put over the not-so modest camisole you wear around the house before heading out to the store. I suggest something long enough to cover your backside, lest you run into a client who sees "PINK" written on it. Overall, it's a much better "comfy" look than a sweatshirt jacket.

6. A no-brainer hair clip.

I have yet to master the art of "throwing" my hair up in two seconds with a clip, but I'm getting there. If you haven't figured this out, it's time to go to Wal-Mart, buy a variety pack of clips, and figure out what works for your hair. I'd suggest stocking up on several of these "no-brainer" clips and keep one in your car, one in your purse, and several at home.

7. A cute hat with texture or pattern.


I don't care if you're not a "hat person." There is a hat for you out there somewhere. Don't worry about what kind of hats are trendy, just go out and find one that looks good on you. Trust me, there will come a day (probably several) when you will be so glad you have it.


DISCLAIMER: None of this will work for you if the only time you wear it is when you're trying to hide something. You can't just wear your one hat whenever didn't have time to shower or it will quickly turn into your frumpy I-didn't-have-time-to-shower hat; you have to wear it on purpose when you're all done up, too.

I also wouldn't suggest wearing all of the above at once, for obvious reasons.


For our next Style Saturday, I'll share some tips for makeup application in a hurry.

The White Box turns ONE

Today, The White Box has officially been open for one year. In honor of today, I decided to wear "The White Box dress" which I actually haven't worn since our opening. It feels sort of strange. Like I'm re-wearing my prom dress or something. Anyway...

Everyone has been so sweet with cute tweets and "happy birthday" greetings. People keep saying they can't believe it's been a year already. I sort of feel that way, because time does pass so quickly, but at the same time, it's hard to imagine a time before The White Box.

{Our little grand opening display, lit up by Acme of course!}

A year ago today was our superfun and fabulous grand opening party. Somehow, with more than a dozen photographers in the house, we have no fabulous photos from that day, but here are a few snapshots from friends...

{People beginning to arrive. As the night went on, the studio became so full you could hardly walk through it. You can see treats on the tables from Gracious Events and Lee John's Catering (all in white) along with a basket full of gift certificates from Fred Boutique for every female guest. Beautiful white floral arrangements were scattered throughout the studio by Petals Floral Design.}

{Indulgence Chocolatiers provided a fabulous display of white chocolate truffles and other confections.}

{Thankfully, CFO, Victoria, and I had enough sense to stop for a photo before the party got going. You can see our retail counter that became a bar that night in the background.}

As I was digging out these photos, I found a few other images of last-minute prep before the party...

Like finding a place to stash the giant ladder (oh, I know... how about we just shove it out the window?).

And finishing "the wall" of photos.


And hanging our sign!


And stopping to take a "we should probably take a photo of ourselves during this time in our lives" photo.


I can't even begin to thank everyone for their support over the last year, so I shall leave you with the words from my Grand Opening "Thank You"...

It would be unthinkable to pretend I'm fabulous enough to have come this far alone. Thank you....

To my “CFO” – my wonderful protector and provider – my husband, Timothy. I am able to be so much more because of you. Here’s to the first of many grand openings, my love.

To my parents, Benno and Suzanne, for your continued unconditional love and encouragement, and to my sister, Resl, for the support that only a sister can provide.

To my Heavenly Father for truth and beauty and for gifting me with all I have.

To my church family for your prayerful support through the process of launching The White Box.

To my mother- and father-in-law for your willingness to help with anything, anytime.

To my Right-Hand Girl, Victoria for diving head first into this new venture with me.

To our “neighbors,” Miss Ruby, The Milwaukee Boat Line, Fred, and The Red Heel, and our landlords, George and Karen Alex, for welcoming us so warmly to The Paradigm community.

To those vendors and friends who encouraged me early on to pursue this “White Box” idea. You know who you are, and I am grateful to have had your wisdom and support.

To Mthree Studio for your beautiful design work, your inspiration, and encouragement through the design process.

To all White Box Vendor Members willing to take a chance on a new generation of wedding consulting. Your commitment to quality, service, and aesthetic motivates me to provide the same.

To the Milwaukee Bride for challenging me to find new ways to serve you.

To Acme Production Resources, Lee John’s Catering, Gracious events, Indulgence Chocolatiers, Petals Floral Design, La Tulipe, and BBJ Linen for contributing your time, talent, and resources to arrange a beautiful grand opening celebration.

Looking forward to a fabulous 2008 season and many more to come.